A wayward lass

Life Lists

2009-04-20T23:21:00.003-07:00

My Life List 2/27/96 (with revisions from 11/11/08) Black Strikethroughs are completions…Red Strikethroughs are revisions

1) Act in my own movie

2) Write a book

3) Marry and have children

4) ~~Go to France and Italy~~

5) Find out my heritage

6) ~~Live to be 150~~

7) ~~Fall in Love~~

8) ~~Sing the national anthem at the first super bowl my brother plays in~~

9) ~~Find the cure for cancer~~

10) Weigh 110 ^{130 before a revision at the time} pounds

~~11)~~ ~~Die for someone~~

12) Save someone’s life

13) Be remembered

~~14)~~ ~~Change someone’s life~~

15) Have a man sing to me and read my favorite poem

16) Go to Monaco

~~17)~~ ~~Go to Egypt~~

18) Become a teacher (in progress)

19) Eliminate Hate (as much as possible)

~~20)~~ ~~Date Brad Pitt~~

21) Have ~~someone~~ ^{an important person} quote me

~~22)~~ ~~Make the basketball team in college~~

~~23)~~ ~~Make the softball team in college~~

24) Live up to my potential

25) Become rich and famous

26) Be a role model

27) Publish my book

28) Get in a fight

~~29)~~ ~~Get in a verbal fight and win~~

30) Go to Australia

31) Die happy

~~32)~~ ~~Be the President (of something)~~

33) Write ^(good) poetry

~~34)~~ ~~Be perfect~~

35) (this actually is listed but was blank)

TOP FIVE JOBS (probably summer of 2007)

1) Actress – Broadway/musical theatre and film. Possibly extends into a directing/cinematography or production career.

2) Diplomat – Something low key but productive possibly leads toward a cabinet position (Secretary of State) or some non-partisan position with influence.

3) Professor – At progressive liberal arts college like Evergreen. Something where curriculum and teaching style aren’t traditional.

4) Lifetime Volunteer – working with a variety of people/cultures. Sharing ideas, being part of a community attempting to make life better for others.

5) Small business owner – bookstore/coffee shop/some kind of social services org but not a non-profit.

Honorable Mention: Writer

Team “Get Your Shit Together” A Tuesday night at Sierra Tap House in late 2008

-Own my own business

-Do aid work in Africa/Asia/South America

-Teach (preferably College)

-Public Service (government, diplomacy)

-Journalism of some sort…

-Oral Histories

-Radio

-Columnist

-Writer/Poet (make a living)

-Not work/Lifetime Volunteer

-Actress^{(on broadway)}/screenwriter/director

growth spurts

2008-09-21T23:07:00.003-07:00

I really haven't liked my life much since the last post. There have been good times, laughter, joy, passion, delight, simplicity, and even satisfaction. But I don't think I knew how to see those things until now.

I can see now why Sara would argue that La vie en rose is not the greatest song ever written, but rather Amazing Grace.

Was lost, but now am found.

It's a cycle, I'm sure, of losing and finding oneself.

This day, I find comfort in the many losses, the struggles, the catastrophes and mediocrities that make up the accumulation of experience.

As I am now, I will never be again.

Much peace can be found in the interminable flux of this lifetide.

A visit from our friendly neighborhood police officer

2007-03-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

There is nothing funnier or more embarrassing than having one of your neighbors overhear you and you friend playing super mario bros. and calling the cops because he/she/they are worried the shouts of expletives, squeals and, yes, sometimes screams- could possibly be a domestic abuse situation.

My pal Z and I were playing mario vs. luigi on the new super mario bros game on our nintendo ds' (his in sleak black, mine practical white). As our evening of healthy sportsmanlike competition came to a close while Z was walking home he was confronted by a policeman at the foot of my stairs. I didn't hear exactly what they were saying- but it sounded as though Z was explaining why there might have been screams coming from the 2nd floor window in the corner. Assuming it was one of my neighbors coming to curse at me for ruining a peaceful- dare I say it- "Spring" evening with my hoot-n-holler'n I quickly slipped on my chaco's and slowly but assuredly made my way down the staircase.

At the second to last step I glanced to my left to find my startlingly innocent looking friend with a man of the law, and I doubled over, hand over my mouth, stifling the pungently inappropriate laughter.

Whilst still wrapped in giggles I made my way to the officer and 1. thanked him for coming, 2. apologized for wasting his time, and 3. scurried into Z's shoulder to snicker some more at the ridiculousness of the situation and my embarrassment.

The officer politely left us with a simple warning: "Don't get too involved in your video games."

Just another night in the adventures of Z and SV....or should I say Mario and Luigi!

crap, complete and utter rubbish

2006-09-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've just read my thesis, I think, for the first time since I wrote it and the title of this bloggity blog refers to this text.

ick ick ick.

I should post it up here for everyone to read and be disgusted by.

what's worse is that it, I'm sure like so many other projects or endeavors, begins with such high hopes, such extraordinary aspirations. but I didn't put the work in. at all.

gross gross gross.

and this really isn't a case of me being my harshest critic. Nope- my advisor even thought it was crap...or as she so lovingly and delicately put it...incomplete.

I think I'm going to rewrite it. My advisor asked me to then, but I was so involved in my impending move back to the U.K. that I didn't take the time. She gave me an out and I took it.

Now. Now that England has fallen through, and I'm unbelievably uncertain of my ability to be a critical and decisive being at all, now I need to revise.

or perhaps entirely rewrite, reconceptualize, rethink.

or just do.

I'm pitiful when it comes to action. I call myself and activist...but I don't act. I very rarely do.

I am not a baby-making-machine

2006-09-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

The pregnancy police are watching you

In the US, women of child-bearing age are being advised to consider themselves 'pre-pregnant' at all times, by giving up smoking, drinking and drugs. What are the implications of treating people as glorified incubators, asks Diane Taylor

Monday September 4, 2006
The Guardian

When Regina McKnight, of South Carolina, went to her local hospital to give birth in May 1999, she prayed that the baby would be healthy. She had good reason to worry. Since her mother had been killed by a hit-and-run driver the previous year McKnight had begun smoking crack. She was naturally devastated when the baby was stillborn - and shocked, five months later, to be charged with homicide. Prosecutors argued that smoking crack had caused the stillbirth and that McKnight should therefore be classed as a murderer.

Despite medically disputed evidence about the role cocaine had played in the tragedy, McKnight went on to become the first woman in US history to be convicted of foetal homicide by child abuse. An appeal to the US Supreme Court failed and she is serving a 12-year jail term.

In the US, more than 20 states now define drug use by an expectant mother as child abuse, neglect or even torture, while The Unborn Victims of Violence Act, passed by Congress in 2004, argues that foetuses are separate persons under the law, with rights independent of the pregnant woman. Any aspect of a pregnant woman's behaviour that might risk foetal health - except of course abortion - is therefore open to punishment in the courts. And last May, legislators in Arkansas proposed making it, not just a matter of social and moral oppobrium, but an offence worthy of prosecution for a pregnant woman to smoke a single cigarette.

New federal guidelines issued this year ask any woman capable of conceiving to treat themselves - and to be treated by their health-care provider - as "pre-pregnant" at all times. Women between their first menstrual period and the menopause are told to take folic acid supplements, stop smoking, stop drinking regularly, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control; not primarily for their own health but to protect any baby that they may or may not be planning to have. They're also advised to steer clear of lead-based paint and cat faeces - a problem for any "pre-pregnant" folk whose household chores include cleaning the litter tray. There is no mention of "pre- fertilisers", ie, fathers, taking similar steps to ensure their sperm are healthy, despite studies that suggest male alcoholism can cause birth defects in children.

The rationale for the guidelines is that half of all pregnancies are unplanned and that the US has a higher infant mortality rate than most other industrialised nations. At the moment there is no talk of criminal sanctions against women who fail to comply with the pre-pregnancy guidance but it's another worrying sign that US women are expected to treat themselves as incubators first, individuals second. And the onward march of foetal harm legislation suggests that it's not entirely Orwellian to suspect that women might, in future, be criminalised for any indulgent behaviour before a pregnancy - as well as during - that ends up harming their child.

Lynn Paltrow, executive director of the New York-based group, National Advocates for Pregnant Women, believes that hatred of women is at the root of the trend. "It's linked to 30 years of vicious anti-abortion rhetoric that describes women who terminate pregnancies as murderers," she says. "You can't have that level of hateful rhetoric and just limit it to abortion. Once pregnant women are seen as capable of heinous crimes like murder, they are dehumanised."

Of course, it's obviously far better for a developing foetus if an expectant mother gives up drinking, smoking and taking drugs. But while it seems no expense is spared to prosecute and jail women addicts, far too little is spent on getting them appropriate treatment. And the women involved in these cases are almost always those most in need of support - there have been no stories of children dragged from rich Manhattan mothers who choose to snort a few lines of coke before breakfast. Those targeted are disproportionately black and poor. And all the sound and fury about the highly prized foetus evaporates once it is no longer in utero: children of drug-addicted mothers are often dumped in foster placements, where study after study has shown they have little chance of thriving.

This attitude to pregnant women shows signs of crossing the Atlantic. The behaviour of expectant mothers has never been more closely scrutinised or criticised, with both Kate Garraway and Kerry Katona having been attacked by the tabloids in recent months after being pictured with a cigarette plus baby bump. And some sources have proposed measures that aim to ensure that transgressive women can't conceive. In a recent paper, Professor Neil McKeganey of Glasgow University, a specialist in the social effects of drug misuse, suggested that "paying female drug users to use long-term contraception is one ... incentive that we may need to consider if we fail to reduce the level of unwanted pregnancies by drug users by other means". In a separate development, Labour MSP Duncan McNeil has proposed adding oral contraceptive to prescription methadone.

Dr Mary Hepburn, who runs the Glasgow Women's Reproductive Health Service supports women with social problems during pregnancy and after birth. What she finds most disturbing is the blanket condemnation applied to drug-using mothers.

"The gap between the rich and the poor is growing," she says, "and so is the gap between the poor and the very poor. A lot of the problems the women I work with experience are caused by poverty rather than by drugs in isolation. A punitive approach towards them will drive them underground, which won't be good for them or their babies."

When it comes to drug- or alcohol-addicted expectant mothers, obviously the ideal way forward is for them to seek treatment. Even for the richest people, addiction is supremely difficult to tackle, but for those from the lowest socio-economic groups the depredations that have led to them becoming drug-users generally make it extremely hard for them to give up. In the current US climate, though, the punitive approach towards pregnant women - in which women have been dragged to prison cells, hours after giving birth to a healthy baby, still haemorrhaging but having tested positive for drugs - means that few are likely to seek treatment. Who would take that risk if it meant the possibility of prosecution, a jail term and your child being removed from your care?

As Paltrow says: "The US has a phenomenal disregard for the wellbeing of families. Almost every problem is seen as one of personal responsibility rather than social or community responsibility." And the punitive approach to pregnant mothers emphasises this, legislating against women who might otherwise seek help for their personal problems.

In the last couple of decades laws targeting some of the US's most vulnerable women have crept inexorably, state by state, across the country, and now the institution of pre-pregnancy guidelines brings the spectre of women facing even wider punishment. In the UK we need to be vigilant to ensure that, in similar situations, pregnant women receive support - rather than a prison sentence.

We need to be talking about this. I'm sure as hell not some incubator for a baby....nor do I want to ever see people WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN treated as though they are incubators first. This is just wrong. Has it been too long since the Handmaids Tale was required reading? Has no one thought about the consequences of treating women as objects for reproduction? Is no one talking about this?

Please give me your thoughts on this article. Did any of you know that people were being arrested for foetal homicide? I can't believe it.

and I also find the whole idea of handing out condoms at methodone clinics is just weird. I functionally and rationally understand why it's a good idea to stop people who are currently addicted from getting pregnant both for the user and their child's sake....but doesn't it seem a bit like Indira fucking Gandhi running around sterilizing the untouchables? Trying to eliminate a portion of the population by making it impossible to procreate...isn't this part of what the Nazi's were doing to the Jews?

Is that really a way that we want to "solve" the problem of drug addiction...by stoping addicted users from having babies?

I do believe that pregnant women who have chosen to keep the child should be OFFERED all the help they can get in order to get them off drugs, or to help them get the nutritian that they need, or parenting classes so they can be responsible parents. They do not need to be harrassed or treated as baby-making-machines or thrown in prison because of an addiction.

and of course this entire thing is so unbelievably gendered that I want to pull my hair out. They even make note in the article that future fertilizers aren't required to change their habits or get help for their addictions because they might someday become a father. IS everyone so blind to the double standard we have in America....not only in this instance but in almost every instance when it comes to men and women? Don't women still make only 75cents to a man's dollar for the same work? And on the other side only men have mandatory conscription to the army. And unfortunately (despite our so-called push towards family values in this country) only women can get pregnancy leave- though ideally we would have both parents helping to raise the child, rather than putting the burden on only one.

This is obviously something I could go on forever about, and something that needs to be discussed more often.

so please. weigh in.

where I'm supposed to be.

2006-07-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

First. Go here

Second these are the top 24 U.S. Cities I should live in according to www.findmyspot.com

1)Hartford, Connecticut

2)Portland, Oregon

3)Providence, Rhode Island

4)Boston, Massachusetts

5)Worcester, Massachusetts

6)New Haven, Connecticut

7)Eugene, Oregon

8)Danbury, Connecticut

9)Little Rock, Arkansas

10)Corvallis, Oregon

11)Baltimore, Maryland

12)Washington D.C.

13)San Fransisco, California

14)Honolulu, Hawaii

15)San Jose, California

16)Salem, Oregon

17)Sheboygan, Wisconsin

18)Charleston, West Virginia

19)Fayetteville, Arkansas

20)Cape Cod, Massachusettes

21)Medford,Oregon

22)Sante Fe, New Mexico

23)Milwaukee, Minnesota

24)Santa Cruz, California

I am partial to 2,4,12,14 and 19. I am only realistically attracted to 2 and 19. The rest are just dreams.

any votes?

She's got everything she needs. she's an artist. she dont' look back.

2006-07-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

my new friend merritt is beyond lovely. she is actually....unbelievable.

i'm a big fan.

so that's what's been happening lately.

good good.

The start of something Great

2006-05-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Children play at school in a camp for internally displaced people in Darfur, Sudan. © AI

45 years ago on May 28 (my day of birth 24 years ago) Amnesty International began.

In honor of their 45th Anniversary I have sent 25 letters and 40 emails calling for action regarding all of AI's current campaigns. That is my birthday present to them.

If, by chance you're thinking of me on my birthday- if you'd like to give me a gift- go here and read about some of the things AI is doing and maybe even send an e-mail or two. They make it easy, and it would be an awesome gift to know that some of you even went to the page. So read the article below- which is the article that started AI and visit the page and have a lovely memorial day weekend

The article by Peter Benenson published in the "The Observer"May 28, 1961. You can also go here for a properly formatted article.

OPEN your newspaper any day of the week and you will find a report from somewhere in the world of someone being imprisoned, tortured or executed because his opinions or religion are unacceptable to his government. There are several million such people in prison - by no means all of them behind the Iron and Bamboo Curtains - and their numbers are growing. The newspaper reader feels a sickening sense of impotence. Yet if these feelings of disgust all over the world could be united into common action, something effective could be done.

In 1945 the founder members of the United Nations approved the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Article 18.- Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion: this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom either alone or in company with others in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19.- Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression: this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

There is at present no sure way of finding out how many countries permit their citizens to enjoy these two fundamental freedoms. What matters is not the rights that exist on paper in the Constitution, but whether they can be exercised and enforced in practice. No government, for instance, is at greater pains to emphasize its constitutional guarantees than the Spanish, but it fails to apply them.

There is a growing tendency all over the world to disguise the real grounds upon which "non-conformists" are imprisoned. In Spain, students who circulate leaflets calling for the right to hold discussions on current affairs are charged with "military rebellion." In Hungary, Catholic priests who have tried to keep their choir schools open have been charged with "homosexuality."

These cover-up charges indicate that governments are by no means insensitive to the pressure of outside opinion. And when world opinion is concentrated on one weak spot, it can sometimes succeed in making a government relent. For instance, the Hungarian poet Tibor Dery was recently released after the formation of "Tibor Dery committees" in many countries; and Professor Tierno Galvan and his literary friends were acquitted in Spain this March, after the arrival of some distinguished foreign observers.London office to gather factsThe important thing is to mobilise public opinion quickly, and widely, before a government is caught up in the vicious spiral caused by its own repression, and is faced with impending civil war. By then the situation will have become too desperate for the government to make concessions. The force of opinion, to be effective, should be broadly based, international, non-sectarian and all-party. Campaigns in favour of freedom brought by one country, or party, against another, often achieve nothing but an intensification of persecution.That is why we have started 'Appeal for Amnesty, 1961'. The campaign, which opens to-day, is the result of an initiative by a group of lawyers, writers and publishers in London, who share the underlying conviction expressed by Voltaire: "I detest your views, but am prepared to die for your right to express them."We have set up an office in London to collect information about the names, numbers, and conditions of what we have decided to call "Prisoners of Conscience;" and we define them thus: "Any person who is physically restrained (by imprisonment or otherwise) from expressing (in any form of words or symbols) any opinion which he honestly holds and which does not advocate or condone personal violence."We also exclude those people who have conspired with a foreign government to overthrow their own. Our office will from time to time hold Press conferences to focus attention on Prisoners of Conscience selected impartially from different parts of the world. And it will provide factual information to any group, existing or new, in any part of the world, which decides to join in a special effort in favor of freedom of opinion or religion.In October a Penguin Special called "Persecution 1961" will be published as part of our Amnesty campaign. In it are stories of nine men and women from different parts of the world, of varying political and religious outlook, who have been suffering imprisonment for expressing their opinions. None of them is a professional politician; all of them are professional people. The opinions which have brought them to prison are the common coinage of argument in free society.

Poet flogged in front of family.

One story is of the revolting brutality with which Angola's leading poet, Agostino Neto, was treated before the present disturbances there broke out. Dr. Neto was one of the five African doctors in Angola. His efforts to improve the health services for his fellow Africans were unacceptable to the Portugese. In June last year the Political Police marched into his house, had him flogged in front of his family and then dragged away. He has since been in the Cape Verde Isles without charge or trial.

From Romania, we shall print the story of Constatin Noica, the philosopher, who was sentenced to twenty-five years' imprisonment because, while "rusticated," his friends and pupils continued to visit him, to listen to his talk on philosophy and literature.The book will also tell of the Spanish lawer, Antonio Amat, who tried to build a coalition of democratic groups, and has been in trial since November, 1958; and of two white men persecuted by their own race for preaching that colored races should have equal rights - Ashton Jones, the sixty-five-year-old minister, who last year was repeatedly beaten-up and three times imprisoned in Lousiana and Texas for doing what the Freedom Riders are now doing in Alabama; and Patrick Duncan, the son of a former South African Governer-General, who, after three stays in prison, has just been served with an order forbidding him from attending or addressing any meeting for five years.'Find out who is in gaol'

The technique of publicising the personal stories of a number of prisoners of contrasting politics is a new one. It has been adopted to avoid the fate of previous amnesty campaigns, which so often have become more concerned with publicising the political views of the imprisoned than with humanitarian purposes.How can we discover the state of freedom in the world to-day? The American philosopher, John Dewey, once said, "If you want to establish some conception of a society, go find out who is in gaol." This is hard advice to follow, because there are few governments which welcome inquiries about the number of Prisoners of Conscience they hold in prison. But another test of freedom one can apply is whether the Press is allowed to criticise the government. Even many democratic governments are surprisingly sensitive to Press criticism. In France, General de Gaulle has intensived newspaper seizures, a policy he inherited from the Fourth Republic. In Britian and the United States occasional attempts are made to draw the sting of Press criticism by the technique of taking editors into confidence about a "security secret," as in the Blake spy case.Within the British Commonwealth, the Government of Ceylon has launched an attack on the Press, and is threatening to take the whole industry under public control. In Pakistan the Press is at the mercy of the Martial Law administration. In Ghana, the opposition Press operates under great disabilities. In South Africa, which leaves the Commonwealth on Wednesday, the government is planning further legislation to censor publications. Outside the Commonwealth, Press freedom is especially in peril in Indonesia, the Arab World, and Latin American countries such as Cuba. In the Communist world, and in Spain and Portugal, Press criticism of the Government is rarely tolerated.Churchill's dictum on democracyAnother test of freedom is whether the government permits a political opposition. The post-war years have seen the spread of "personal regimes" across Asia and Africa. Wherever an opposition party is prevented from putting up candidates, or from verifying election results, much more than its own future is at stake. Multi-party elections may be cumbruos in practice, and the risk of coalitions makes for unstable government; but no other way has yet been found to guarantee freedom to minorities or safety to non-conformists. Whatever truth there may be in the old remark that democracy does not fit well with emergent nationalism, we should also remember Winston Churchill's dictum: "Democracy is a damned bad system of government, but nobody has thought of a better."

A fourth test of freedom is, whether those accused of offences against the State receive a speedy and public trial before an impartial court: whether they are allowed to call witnesses, and whether their lawyer is able to present the defence in the way he thinks best. In recent years there has been a regrettable trend in some of those countries that take pride in possessing an independent judiciary: by declaring a state of emergency and taking their opponents into "preventative detention," governments have side-stepped the need to make and prove criminal charges. At the other extreme there is the enthusiasm in Soviet countries to set up institutions which, though called courts, are really nothing of the sort. The so-called "comradely courts" in the U.S.S.R., which have the power to deal with "parasites," are in essence little more than departments of the Ministry of Labor, shifting "square pegs" to empty holes in Siberia. In China the transmigration of labor by an allegedly judicial process is on a gigantic scale.

The most rapid way of bringing relief to Prisoners of Conscience is publicity, especially publicity among their fellow-citizens. With the pressure of emergent nationalism and the tensions of the Cold War, there are bound to be situations where governmetns are led to take emergency measures to protect their existence. It is vital that public opinions should insist that these measures should not be excessive, nor prolonged after the moment of danger. If the emergency is to last a long time, then a government should be induced to allow its opponents out of prison, to seek asylum abroad.Frontier control more efficient.

Although there are no statistics, it is likely that recent years have seen a steady decrease in the number of people reaching asylum. This is not so much due to the unwillingness of other countries to offer shelter, as to the greatly increased efficiency of frontier control, which to-day makes it harder for people to get away. Attempts to reach agreement on a workable international convention on asylum at the United Nations have dragged on for many years with little result.

There is also the problem of labour restrictions on immigrants in many countries. So long as work is not available in "host" countries, the right of asylum is largely empty. 'Appeal for Amnesty, 1961', aims to help towards providing suitable employment for poltical and religious refugees. It would be good if in each "host" country a central employment office for these people could be set up with the co-operation of the employers' federations, the trade unions and the Ministry of Labour.

In Britain there are many firms willing to give out translation and correspondence work to refugees, but no machinery to link supply with demand. Those regimes that refuse to allow their nationals to seek asylum on the ground that they go abroad only to conspire, might be less reluctant if they knew that, on arrival, the refugess would not be kicking their feet in idle frustration.

The members of the Council of Europe have agreed a Convention of Human Rights, and set up a commission to secure its enforcement. Some countries have accorded to their citizens the right to approach the commission individually. But some, including Britian, have refused to accept the jurisdiction of the commission over individual complaints, and France has refused to ratify the Convention at all. Public opinion should insist on the establishment of effective supra-national machinery not only in Europe but on similar lines in other continents.This is an especially suitable year for an Amnesty Campaign. It is the centenary of President Lincoln's inauguration, and of the beginning of the Civil War which ended with the liberation of the American slaves; it is also the centenary of the decree that emancipated the Russian serfs. A hundred years ago Mr. Gladstone's budget swept away the oppressive duties on newsprint and so enlarged the range and freedom of the Press; 1861 marked the end of the tyranny of King "Bomba" of Naples, and the creation of a united Italy; it was also the year of the death of Lacordaire, the French Dominican opponent of Bourbon and Orleanist oppression.

The success of the 1961 Amnesty Campaign depends on how sharply and powerfully it is possible to rally public opinion. It depends, too, upon the campaign being all-embracing in its composition, international in character and politically impartial in direction. Any group is welcome to take part which is prepared to condemn persecution regardless of where it occurs, who is responsible or what are the ideas suppressed. How much can be achieved when men and women of good will unite was shown during World Refugee Year. Inevitably most of the action called for by 'Appeal for Amnesty, 1961', can only be taken by governments. Experience shows that in matters such as these, governments are prepared to follow only where public opinion leads. Pressure of opinion a hundred years ago brought about the emancipation of the slaves. It is now for man to insist upon the same freedom for his mind as he has won for his body.

Appeal for Amnesty, 1961: THE AIMS
1. To work impartially for the release of those imprisioned for their opinions.
2. To seek for them a fair and public trial.
3. To enlarge the Right of Asylum and help political refugees to find work.
4. To urge effective international machinery to guarantee freedom of opinion.

To these ends, an office has been set up in London to collect and publish information about Prisoners of Conscience all over the world. The first Press Conference of the campaign will be held to-morrow, where will include three M.P.s, John Foster, Q.C. (Con.), F. Elwyn Jones, Q.C. (Lab.), and Jeremy Thorpe (Lib.). All offers of help and information should be sent to: Appeal for Amnesty, 1, Mitre Court Buildings, Temple, E.C.4.
-PETER BENENSON

solitude

2006-05-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

so, I was looking for a picture that represented solitude and opportunity and this about does it.

For those of you who don't know...I moved back to Nevada in December of 05. I have lived in Reno since then and I am working for a Non Profit that does lots and lots of good work. I have my own apartment and am having a really nice time being out of school and practicing at being a responsible adult.

I chose the solitude idea to talk about today because last night I turned off all the lights in my place and put on an old cd I had made for a friend called "for when you're lost" and just sat and thought and listened until the whole cd was finished.

I enjoyed this so very much, that solitude...that simplicity, that I think I'm going to make a habit of doing that at least once a month.

While listening and thinking I found myself really at peace.

I imagine I had been avoiding this blog for several reasons- many of them having to do with facing my own fears about being back in america, about failure, about irresponsibility, about judgement and perceptions about me.

But last night I was happy and alone and happy to be alone- and that is really rare for me.

It's not so daunting to think that I've been back in Reno for almost 5 months now- nor so daunting to think that I have no idea when I'm going to leave.

I've got lots and lots of daunting things to think about- mostly financial...but i'm doing pretty good about managing that part of my life better. And my parents were right that when you sort money matters it really feels like a weight is lifted. Even for someone like me who really hates the entire concept of money and wealth and the accumulation of it. It's still something I have to think about...and I really really am thinking about it now. Almost too much, but it's a nice contrast to the times when I never thought about it or the consequences of not managing my finances.

Besides money matters I'm spending a lot of time trying to learn things on my own...outside the classroom. And I'm thoroughly enjoying that.

While I was in London I became a bit obsessed with the Democratic Republic of Congo and that has flourished into a healthy appetite for as much knowledge, information, perspective and understanding of not only the DRC but much of the rest of Africa as well.

I think I've always known that I want to help people- that's been a core value behind every class I've ever taken and every organization I've ever been a part of. For a while, that idea became something I wanted to do as best as possible- which is why I went into Critical Theory. Because I have some pretty severe worries about helping people without actually helping them. The band-aid, something to cover up a wound but not necessarily heal it. And I found a lot of extraordinary information in my short period of studying Critical theory...enough for me to know that I could get entrenched there and never come out. So I left, without really knowing if I would come back. I'm still not sure if an MA in Cultural and Critical Studies is what I need to help people. I'm beginning to believe that what I could learn there needs to be done outside of a classroom and inside my own head- because ultimately I don't think I'm smart enough or capable enough or logical enough or rational enough to be a critical theorist- I think i'd rather do the hands-on stuff.

So back to my wanting to help people. my first step towards the realization of my goal to help people- is to help myself.

which is what brings me to Reno, NV and a steady job and a clearer focus on my finances and my health.

so that's a little update for today.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll speak more about the extraordinary circumstance of this day- happening all around me.

till then. thanks for listening.

long vacation

2006-02-21T04:52:00.000-08:00

So I think I've been afraid of writing in this here little blog, for whatever reason.

I mostly just wanted to post some pictures.

First one's Morsa and Hazel.

next is the new place.

and lastly my beautiful best friend on her 24th birthday.

that's all for now.

monsoon holiday

2005-11-30T17:07:00.000-08:00

no pictures this time but links links links

My favorite link for today is this one.

I'll have to tell you the story behind it.

So it's the holiday season and I decided to check and see if a website I had stumbled upon ages ago was still out there. I'm looking for alternative things to do with the money you spend on gifts for family and friends at christmas. I remember a couple of years ago going to www.heifer.org, which is an amazing site and it gives you the opportunity to do something really helpful with your moola. I found my way back to heifer.org and started reading the article I've linked above, and man oh man did it make my day. Such an extraordinary woman.

so yes. read it-when you've got the time, it's a bit long- but definitely worth it.

and more links for your reading pleasure.

This is such a good site for things we should be learning about.
If you have any money or any family members who might just forgo a christmas gift for a good cause give these folks some money.
It absolutely cannot hurt to go here.
TODAY you should wear a red ribbon.
some folks I might like to work for someday.
A bit like heifer.org but still good stuff.
This is a great site, though it is based in the UK, it offers worldwide boycotts.
I'm a huge fan of this lady and what she's done.

yippy that's all for now.

I have met- in the last week a Zimbabwean documentary film maker, and an Iraqi magician. Both were completely magical encounters.

I must once again encourage everybody who feels that they can, to give money to some kind of charity instead of buying gifts for people. Or better yet, if you have already bought gifts or still want to- why not just sit down and have a conversation with someone about the world, anything you can think of will do. I think it's a good idea to think about the world sometimes...earth, other people, other beings, etc and ourselves.

definitely ourselves

oh and this is something very important that needs to be said. Pigeon sent it to me- apparantly it's all of UK livejournal's

"a lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
women should learn self-defense. women should lock themselves in their
houses after dark. women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't
wear short skirts. women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. They
shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on,
don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular
activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not,
and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an
unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call
the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not
okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some"
with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control
over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important."

i hope all are happy and healthy and working hard but loving it.

-s

this made me go a big one

2005-11-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Oh man did this make my day. I am now a frequent visitor to this site and I found these great pictures from a protest against U.S. military bases in Sofia, Bulgaria. What I was really delighted by was the age range of the protestors. There were small children and the standard disaffected youth, but also pensioners, those at the retirement age or beyond. Especially this fellow below who must have had a very important point to make.

Just makes me smile that every day people get up and get out of bed to upset the status quo, to make protest against something they see as wrong, to work towards something they believe in.

And that this drive doesn't seem *at least in Sofia* to fizzle once middle-age is reached.

just some thoughts.

Oh and today while packing I stumbled across a list of things I believe in, or values that I espouse. I think I'll post them up here for fun.

1. I do not want to sell my time to someone or something of which I am not passionately engaged and morally supportive.
2. I believe opportunity is one of the most important things we, as humans, have.
3. I believe that a significant benefit would arise from a change in perspective (both for myself and others). A perspective in which there is reverence and respect for all beings, in which no hierarchies exsist (at least not in a way that promotes and encourages the expoitation of one being [or a group of beings] for the benefit of another).
4.I believe in Dynamic Equilibrium.
5. I believe I can be better than what I am, a better human, a better being.
6. I believe health is important to my ability to be better.
7. I believe dichotomies and binary thinking are harmful to life.
8. I believe there are various shades of grey*and an infinite pallat of other colors* and no such thing as only black and white.
9. I believe there are multitudes within the truth. :) keskes
10. Contradictions are not always good, not always bad, not ever necessarily exclusive things.
11. I believe there can be joy in perplexity.
12. I believe the ability to commit is a virtue and the ability to challenge and question- also a virtue.
13. I believe one should be critical, but make decisions.
14. I believe one should be generous with themselves and with others.
15. I believe looking at the differences between us in a way that doesn't foster hierarchizement is a valuable endeavor.
16. I believe building, maintaining, and attempting to understand relationships is a virtue.
17. I believe in energy.
18. I belive that I have many things to contribute to the community, the world and myself.

there we go. wasn't that fun. I'm thinking a few of them need further explination, and some of them are in dire need of better wording, but it's alright for a first draft.

The camera can't capture the color

2005-11-18T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today I went for a walk in Hyde park and I brought my camera. It was a crisp, sunny day and I took about 300 pictures. I think I have a problem. ha. I thought I'd share some of the pictures with you.

This guy was raking leaves and wooping them up into the air and I was trying to capture this when he stood and posed for me. hehe. He was very nice and very funny and I didn't get any pictures of the leaves in flight like I wanted. Oh well.

Some of them on the ground.

The statue view of choice.

Tie a ribbon round my branch? I don't know who did this but it made me laugh so I had to take pictures of it.

I like close up things...textures and this is of the chain surrounding that statue up there.

haha. put your camera down and take a picture. I liked this perspective...and it was mostly an accidental picture.

I've decided that I really like benches. And when I die, if someone feels so inclined, I would find a bench set in my memory quite nice, though I wouldn't want the words "in memory of" or "my beloved" or any other epithets traditionally ascribed to dead people. I think it'd be nice if it said "For Shavawn, who was one classy lass." Ha. I'm only joking..I don't want a bench and if someone is going to try to do something in my honor....well give money or time to people who need help. I'm dead! I don't need a bench! *as a side note, I find it quite disturbing that in Hyde Park none of the benches I came in contact with were carved in or graffitied at all, however several of the tree's were. In my logic it goes carve the bench- it's dead, leave the tree alone....though people probably don't carve on the benches because of some sense of reverence for the DEAD person they are in memory of. I've decided if this is still going on when I'm dead, I'm going to start a dead person revolution againsts the carving and graffititing of trees and direct it towards the benches.* man am I nuts or what?

This is what I mean by the camera can't capture the color..this little flower was such a bright magenta that I had to take a picture of it. But then on here, while it is a nice color- it's just not as striking as it was for me. I would really like to have a camera where I can manipulate the lens more. *sigh*

There were fountains, and the water in them had frozen and that was pretty.

another unsatisfying color contrast. Oh well.

Icy fountain. wee.

once again. close up...chain thing. The color on this one turned out quite nicely I think.

Yes and fountains with little cherubim type boys *with very large nostrils...it should be noted* wrestling big fishes. the fish might be my favorite thing carved in stone. He's got attitude and badittude. he is especially nice up close.

So yes. my walk in Hyde park. I shall venture to regents park next, as I live about 7 minutes from it. Woopee!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!

2005-11-18T00:24:00.000-08:00

laura's hands

So right now....somewhere in canada my mate is turning 23, which is the same age as me. we're at the equinox of ages. I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but yay...for the next 6 months we will be the same age. woo.

I thought I'd use this space to tell her happy birthday.

so happy birthday la-oo-rah.

you're loved and missed.

New Technology

2005-11-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, the exciting life and times of my flat. This weekend we had a major upgrade in our acquisition of a shower (finally) and a new television set, with built in dvd player. Since my life has changed so tremendously since the arrivals of these two new gadgets...I thought I'd make an ass of myself and take pictures.

Simple, yet classic. Shiny and new. It's almost come out of the wall twice, and the pressure can only be described using the word drizzle. However, it is NOT A BATH, which is a triumph.

yes the shower prettily in action. Drizzly, but even.

and the TV, which I set up all by myself. woo. I have realized however, while I am happy with the shower and the end of my bath-taking only sentence, I much enjoyed the flat without a functioning TV. It's loud and obnoxious and a conversation killer. Oh and there's nothing good on. Though I have been able to watch Have I got News for You and the original CSI. The latter of which prompted a call to my mum, as she is the only person in the world who could appreciate my excitement.

As for my last post I am still a bit mookish, but I am getting better.

I have made the decision to base some of my unmade decisions on certain factors. So i've limited the scope. Which is suprisingly helpful.

Basically I've discovered that I don't know what I'm doing or what I want to be doing. I'm trying to sort that out.

It's slow going. Not very exciting work...and it's mostly depressing.

It has to be done, though. At least that's what I've decided. And it must be realistic, which is something I have a problem with.

So that's how it's going here. London is cold cold cold cold cold, but sunny.

I have reading to do, and decisions to make. Hope all is quiet on the western front.

until next time

WANK

2005-11-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

I am in a bad mood.

I thought it would be interesting to post something while I am in a bad mood.

Isn't it fun.

I am currently infuriating to myself.

Anybody ever get like that?

It's decision making time, and I'm not making any decisions. Because I'm a coward. Because it's so much easier not to.

ick..see what I mean by infuriating.

And this entry is going to remain gloriously abstract.

Westminster Abbey

2005-11-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

So frog and I went to Westminster Abbey for her last day. It was great. I really like that place. It funny that my favorite places in large cities seem to be places where people are burried. So yes. Had lots of fun.

Outide the abbey they were setting up for some kind of homage to fallen soldiers from the World Wars I think. It was pretty sad to see it...there wasn't actually anyone out there doing anything and just loads of crosses and boxes full of crosses with no one attending them.

this is what most of the plots looked like. The boundaries were up, but not the rest of it. It looked like lots of little graves with boxes on them. Pretty depressing.

one of the nicer crosses, though I think I like this shot mostly for the angle.

What it looked like. Though you can't tell these little plots were on both sides of all the walkways around the Abbey, which means there were a lot of them.

One side had some of the plots done. The smallest crosses had the names of individuals within that specific regiment who had died.

This picture was actually taken once inside the abbey. This is a place we were not supposed to be, but I thought it was very pretty so didn't care about being caught. It was worth it. With all the extraordinarily beautiful things inside the abbey- the outside is just as lovely.

Some of the light through the stained glass was sprinkled on this sarcophagus.

My favorite. he seems very pensive and his eyes look tremendously real. He's from the 16th Century I think.

Taken from the feet of Good Queen Bess. Queen Elizabeth I. I took other pictures of her but they didn't come out. Did I mention that you're not supposed to take pictures in the Abbey. So yes, most of the photo's were stealthily and shakily taken. It should be noted that Mary, Queen of Scots, whom Elizabeth had beheaded has a much larger Sarcophagus than Elizabeth. As James I, Elizabeth's successor was Mary's son. Man those royal folk and the weirdness they do.

this little fellow frightens me. He's one of three men and three other women who line the sarcophagus of some Earl. They are all very sad.

There was one picture that I wish now that I had. It was on the cage which protects Henry VII's Sarcophagus. It was of St. Bartholomew- who was flayed alive. He carried around his own skin in this depiction of him. So it looked like he had a robe or something hanging over his arm, with a head and hands and feet. It disturbed Frog and I so much that we found someone to ask about it. We had many more adventures, but I think i'll have to put them into another post.

yay for big, indoor, old cemetaries. hehe.

bonfire night

2005-11-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

I am distressed.

I am angry and upset and confused and so very sad.

Tonight is the night that they "celebrate" the failed attempt to blow up the houses of parliament some 4 hundred years ago. Guy Fawkes day they call it, because he was the man chosen to light the barrels of gunpowder and end the non-catholic rule of James the 1st. While I completely disagree with Guy Fawlks' and his collaborators' reasoning behind attempting to blow up Parliament and the King, I wonder if it was prompted by a sense of desperation.

I wonder if those in and outside Paris right now just feel desperate. Because two boys were killed, because they feel they've lost control of their community.

And in Derry on the night of January 30, 1972 did young boys walk into the arms of the IRA out of desperation? Was the IRA itself formed out of desperation?

I hear fireworks outside my windows. I know several effigy's to Fawkes and others are being burnt in Lewes at this moment. I know about the 17 protestant martyr's burnt in Lewes that are also commemorated.

I know that people making effigy's tonight are not doing it out of desperation, or at least not on the majority.

I want to know how to make situations where desperation can lead to violence not happen. I want to know how to stop violence that isn't prompted by desperation. But I don't know how.

and I don't know how to tell the people in France to stop, and I wouldn't have known how to tell the people in Northern Ireland (on both sides) to stop. I have no powerful alternative.

I think of Gandhi and Martin Luther King- who both advocated and lived a life of radical non-violent protest.

And they were assasinated.

I think of the Dalai Lama who advocates non-violence not only to other people, but to other beings.

And he has not seen or stepped foot in his home country, of Tibet since 1959. He's been given a Nobel Peace Prize but doesn't get to go home.

And I know that these are just examples. And I know that they are just figureheads and that so much power lies in those of us that choose to be non-violent.

But what happens when we get desperate?

What happens then?

I know and know and know in the deepest depths of my mind, in every cell in my body, inside all of me that violence is not ever going to make anything other than more violence.

But we've got to find an effective alternative for the desperate, or make those who perpetuate violence desperate for a different method.

Don't let the chain end with me.

2005-11-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

Some things I'm doing soon:

Good things turning One Hundred

Good people getting together to stop bad things

Someone to find out about

This is my life now. This coming week is reading week, meaning I don't have to attend classes and when I do start attending classes again- they will actually be different classes. See, the core course here is broken into four different sections. I've now completed two of those four. I begin learning about Cultural Studies on Monday and Culture and Technology on Thursday.

I've planned to spend the week reading as much as I can, especially of the things that aren't assigned to me. Oh and I've devoted at least 3 hours a day to be spent inside the British Library doing specific research.

Busy lady.

Have been on a kick lately of finding my inner activist again. Something I feel needs to happen as I spent so much of the last year in America focusing only on myself and not on others. So yes.
After watching the Corporation I have since watched Norma Rae and Malcolm X. Tonight I think I'll watch Bloody Sunday.

Seeing as I love film so much and that I own all of these films I thought it'd be a good way to boost my activist spirit. Also, it's good to know about these things.....and to understand there is much more behind the story than these films can present.

it's a little chain of inspiration. hehe.

linkage

2005-11-02T16:34:00.000-08:00

so yes. These are places you should go...some of them provided to me by pigeon. *bless her* and others found on my own.

I think I've figured out how to do the html thing where I write something like go here and the word here is the actual link. We'll see

Update on New Orleans.

So I went to a bunch of places that were linked on this films website. You should watch the film as well.

so yes. That's all I have actually. I made it sound very important but I thought to link all the places I went from thecorporation website, then thought it would be more clever to just link to the original site.

I have been reading Guy Debord's The Society of the Spectacle.

very interesting....I must say and someone should ask me about it....sometime in normal conversation cause it's a good'n.

so yes I guess I have to post a picture cause that seems to be my thing...I wonder how disappointed or unaffected people would be if I stopped posting pictures.

anywho.... this is the absolute most recent picture of me- taken last night.

tootaloo

where the magic happens and left overs from before

2005-11-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

So I took my camera to class last night and decided to get a picture of where the magic happens. It's a pretty nice room, I must say. Last night was the end of one section of my core course. It's broken into four sections. Another section ends on Thursday and then I have a week off and I will start the last two sections on the following monday and thursday. I think they are Cultural Studies- the general introduction, and something about technology and culture. They should be pretty fun.

My fancy book-cased, high ceilinged, pretty windowed classroom.

This picture is of adam, our friend who also came to the zombie cocktail party, but not as a zombie. He was the most frightening of us all. In fact he scared the barmaid when we went to the pub. He was great. The thing that made him so very frightening was that he spoke and expressed himself very well- without having the option of making facial expressions. What it reminded me of- was someone with a lot of botox. it's scary when you think about it. moo ha ha.

oh and he would also put a straw up the mask's nose and drink out of it. which was very amusing to all of us at the time.

that's all.
the scariest mask of all time

READ LAST POST FIRST

2005-10-31T10:11:00.000-08:00

So yes. more pictures...of the Tesco Not-so-Mouse-looking Balloons, actually.
haha

Hussy- distressed by the outcome of our specifically purchased mouse balloons. "What the heck, these don't look like mice!"

Good old lady S, doing the stretch the balloon out before you blow it up bit.

And then one of her many attempts to get the ears to come out.

"A show of hands. Who thinks this looks anything like a mouse balloon should?"

There is bound to be a strongly worded letter on it's way to Tesco's Corporate very soon.

zombie cocktail party

2005-10-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

So I went to brighton this weekend for a zombie cocktail party. We had an extremely joyous night. We played games and frightened local pubgoers and consumed many halloweenee things and spent some time being terribly confused by mouse baloons purchased from tesco's whose ears just weren't very mousy.

Anyway- this is my pal ted. as i've just named him because I dont think we named him before. He was lots of fun, though unfortunately not as edible as we would have liked. Ha

The four lasses and our black boots. We all dressed up all fancy and then zombified ourselves.

that's me....I wish you could see more of my severely ratted hair. it was not fun to comb out.

Madame President with her fangs. GRRR

Hussy looking a bit like a droog.

and Lady S, the scariest of us all.

I had a really great time and the next day made fajita's for everyone. we sat around and watched Ferris Bueller's day off and the Life of Brian. It was very very very nice.

anyway...me and my multiple picture posts! ha. hope you enjoy.

playing with new picture posting things..woo

2005-10-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

the aforementioned child in pink tights

environment

2005-10-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

So, when I first arrived here in london I remember saying to Morsa that my building was hot. May I suffer inexplicable horror if I ever use that phrase again. Anyway, here's a scrapbook of some days in my life.

for starters I get off at this tube station.

At the exit I turn Right onto Tottenham Court Road and walk down it until I reach the corner of my street. Where I promptly look right to see the British Telcom Tower.

I then turn onto my street, making a left. that's my street.

I look up at my *hot* building.

I enter the foyer, and walk towards the lift.

Where I go to this floor.

and the button lights up all red.

Once out of the elevator I take a look out the windows towards the houses of parliament in the distance.

I then go to my room.

where I do things like spend hours- literally- on trying to post more than one picture.

so hurrah for success.

that's all.

there are some photo's of my life.

Crocs and socks

2005-10-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today, the British Museum. Tomorrow, the world.

This photo is from the British Museum's Great Court. A covered courtyard you can find out about here. http://www.galinsky.com/buildings/britishmuseum/

Frog and I wandered around a bit today..more job hunting, etc. We decided to go the the British Museum because I've been wanting to and when we walked into the great court both of us were so delighted by the atmosphere that we wanted to lay down and stare up. And we did, after a little perusing of the Ancient Egyptian and Assyrian relics, oh yes and the Rosetta stone. It was lovely, and as you can see frog's glasses are reflecting the glass roof of this courtyard. It was very nice, laying on our backs just looking up at the clouds rolling quickly by, taking pictures, ignoring the snickers of small children in pink tights passing.

Oh yes and almost got a job, but the place needed an unihibited 2 month commitment (as that is how long their campaigns run) but I can't give them that now, cause I'm leaving in less than two months. I thought about lying, but I think I'd like to work for these folks when I come back.

The reason this blog entry is titled croc's and socks is because I've started wearing this combination as my main footwear. Were I more html savvy I would be able to post a picture of them here. I am, however, not html savvy, so you'll have to imagine what they look like or you can go here and learn about crocs http://www.crocs.com/home.jsp. Mine are red and i wear them with mostly argyle socks. Cause that's the way I roll.

Oh and it is 124 steps from the bottom floor of my building up to the 8th floor- where I live. Not including the obligatory one or two steps it takes to round the landing. I've made a commitment to walk up these 124 steps at least once a day. I had a similar plan when I came that included either going up or down them each day. I have, however, only been going down them, and that is just not as effective. So the plan has changed. Up once a day. And I've already been today. Couldn't sleep around 6am so I thought a good stair climb would do the trick of putting me to bed (and indeed it did).

anyway, that's my inconsequential nonsense. And just to let everyone know I have enabled comments on this blog, so if you're reading and have something to say (or don't have anything to say but want me to know that you're reading) drop me a line or two. cheers.

Steak and Steve:two fine pieces of meat

2005-10-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

so. this is completely not my picture. but it's nice. ain't it.

the picture I wanted to post was of a big fat steak that I cooked this evening. But i ate it and forgot to take a picture.

It was my first steak cooking experience. It was actually three small steaks. I could've eaten only the one of them, but was afraid to repackage the other two. and ya know- meat shrinks when you cook it so it was alright.

I started with butter in the frying pan...BUTTER!!

wait actually that's a lie.

I started by slathering the steaks in chopped garlic, garlic salt and some other herbs.

Then came the butter. and it wasn't enough...so I put more...then I put olive oil because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

but it all worked out. I cooked them in the pan with oil and butter and didn't leave them on too long. I learned from my pal zack that steak is best medium rare- so that's what I shot for. The middle steak was the best. It was just right- perfectly medium rare. Just a sliver of pink in the middle *they were thin steaks*. the first one I didn't cook long enough and found several pieces that I was terrified of eating, the last piece I cooked too long. but it was all very tasty.

I meant to make oven chips (frech fries) with it, but I was too focused on the meat to do anything else and too hungry when the meat was done.

and you know I'm realizing that what makes eating meat- or steak, lets say- really good is the taste of blood. And I really like tasting the blood- however gross that may seem. It's just a really nice flavor. And it reminds me that something had to die so that I could eat it. And it made me think about the one pound seventy that I paid for those three steaks and how the life of that cow probably wasn't very good. So i have decided, if I am going to eat steak I am going to save up for the free range organic steak. I'm sure Happy cows taste better. And I'd rather eat a cow...if i'm gonna eat meat...that was treated better in it's lifetime. So there it is.

so yay.

I made a friend. Steven. He is actually Gulio's friend. Gulio, my cousin in law who lives and works in london (for the next 7 days..that is..then back to South africa). Last night I went for drinks with Gulio and his friends, where I met Steven. All of the people there were lovely and we had a great night. But steven and I exchanged numbers and we have a job hunting date on tuesday.

so yippy for my new friend.

anyway. that's my steak and new friend story. have to go now.

Cloudy days

2005-10-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

So it's been pretty intersting weather wise round here. That's all I've got to say. Have had a pretty uninteresting week so far. the most exciting thing I can tell you about is what those dark, heavy clouds brought to my house. And it was gobs and gobs of rain- rain like buckets. it was lovely. And the windows outside the front door of the flat leak so the rain was all over the floor of our hallway. isn't that nice.

now our hall smells like dead fish. not so nice.

classes are getting better. more, well understandable. and I'm a bit homesick. or peopleathomesick.

so yes. that's all.

just thought i'd show you some more neato pictures of mine.

hope all is well.

weekend at hussy's

2005-10-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

brighton beach, originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

well. spent the weekend in brighton. had a nice evening on saturday with a great meal cooked by my newest friend regan. I like to call her madame president. She also goes by ron. We then watched some Black Books. Which was a total and complete delight for me as I hadn't seen that show since long before I left england the first time. In the morning I awoke to another great meal. (have discovered that I like my eggs poached... isn't that amazing...I like eggs!)and after a few hours of rest and relaxation we walked through the rain on a truly gorgeous day down to the lanes for a couple of pints in a hidden pub. all in all it was a very nice weekend.

Had another lecture this evening. I am beginning to worry in the same way that I worried when I was a philosophy major. see, I don't want to be the kid that sits around always asking why and never doing anything. Or using the ability to ask why- to find ideological problems with something- in order to never have to do anything. So yes...this course is worrying in that way. Sometimes I am a pragmatist (am i using that correctly) and would rather just do something- even if possibly it is not as thoroughly eeked out as it should be. Then other times i'm terrified to do anything because it has theoretical fissure's and potentially has terribly consequences. So yes. Today I was a pragmatist, tomorrow...who knows.

someone the other day described being liberal as being an advocate of relativism. that is, that every point of view has value that is equal and proportional to every other point of view. Therefor, nothing can be argued against something else because each perspective has value and neither is necessarily "right" or "wrong".

I am definitely not a fan of this description. But it makes me think how are we ascribing values to things, who's in charge of this task, and is it arbitrary or calculated.

I bet i'm really boring to some of you.

Al Otro Lado Del Rio

2005-10-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm in one of those semi-trite, occationally beautiful moments post film viewing where I think anything is possible and I am enlivened by the struggle of peoples, collectively or individually.

the movie was the motorcycle diaries.

and I'm definitely thinking about che and his many mistakes, but also understanding his motivation.

Was talking to my mate richie about having a hard time believing in anything- in finding hope for the world. We discussed the rampant abuses of western culture, the exploitation and oppression of entire populations, the ever-arching impenetrable bubble that a middle class bourgeois upbringing grants against these other terrors.

We both agreed it's hard to find hope when you know that the generations before were looking for perhaps the same thing and wound up in violent conflict, or worse as a cog in an even bigger stronger machine.

the problem of belief is many sided. First I don't want to support something unless it will have some kind of true and positive effect. Second I don't want to end up like che- not only leaving out many arguments for the sake of my cause- but also entrenched in violence both reviled and perpetuated by myself.

The course I'm on is making it even harder to believe.

because we sit in a building, an institute of higher education and argue why things like institutes of higher education are both unnecessary and specifically a hindrance to progressive causes that this institute specifically espouses.

I know hypocrisy exists and I know that it, as a notion, is built upon the concepts of either/or.

I'm all for granting the multiplicity of peoples, things etc, and I know that my horror at the thought of being personally hypocritical and of witnessing hypocrisy heavily relies on my subscription to the idea that one cannot be contradictory. That if you call yourself a Christian and then do very unchristian things than you are a hypocrite.

So yes...uh... maybe I should get over my idea of hypocrisy- and let things be convoluted, messy, contradictory and multiplicitous.

but if I do that how am I to decipher if one multitudinous thing is better than another.

or if one action is better or worse. For example. Eating meat.

on one hand I campaign for a fairer treatment of animals and other beings, not only physically but intellectually, but then I eat highly processed, undeniably tortured animals almost every day.

... So yes, if I am to allow myself to be multitudinous, complex, with faults and failures and virtues and values, how do I choose which is the right action.

it's all seeming a bit arbitrary to me right now and that's probably the dirtiest word I've ever known.

arbitrary. I don't want to live my life arbitrarily. I want to be discernible, but so many things are pointing me to a place where my choices, my ideals are ineffectual and superfluous.

I am basically frustrated by my classmates because we sit and talk about what is wrong with the world- yet we participate in and perpetuate many of the problems and horrors that we are discussing.

I just don't get it. I see myself doing it- I see others doing it. But I don't want to just sit around and watch the world fall to pieces. Unlike many I, perhaps unfortunately, am not ignorant to the fact that most of the clothing I wear was assembled by people, probably women, in a "third world country", that the food that I eat comes from animals kept in unnaturally small cages, and injected with hormones, that this very act of typing this nonsense on my computer in my very lush London flat required the work of several hundreds of people whose names I will never know and whose time I can never replace.

you know how in dreams sometimes you'll be screaming but there is some neurological function that prevents you from actually screaming. Or you'll feel like you can't scream in a dream because your brain is preventing you from doing it.

that's what this feels like.

I am inspired but feel suffocated.

I can stop wearing these kinds of clothes, I can stop eating meat, I can drop out of school, give away all my things and try to live off the land....

but does that do any good at all.

for me maybe, but for those people whose time has been used to place the motherboard into my computer, who will continue to assemble computers or cars or disassemble chickens, pigs and cows- will it make any difference in their lives? Will it make things better....Or worse....

will it even be able to impact the lives of those chicken, pigs and cows?

it's just such a big machine- that doesn't seem to have something as convenient as a motherboard to destroy.

I don't know where to start, or if I should stop

or what to do at all...

mum n dad

2005-10-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

mum n dad, originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

this is maybe my favorite picture ever. I captured it on a bus in brighton when my parents and I were returning from our trip to continental europe last new years. We were all tired and this was just so cute.

Have moved my room around a bit and am feeling better about it. Discovered a secret drawer and now have enough space to lay down in my room- for those who might come to stay and for exercise purposes.

Went handing out CV's today until it started raining. Wandered through chinatown in the rain looking for hangers. Still haven't found any. Found batteries for my camera- though I didn't get to take the one picture i wanted to take today. right outside of Soho Square is the twentieth century fox building. With a great very vintage looking 20th century sign. I was very sad. Though i'm sure the building isn't going anywhere I could just go back tomorrow.

am reading History and Class Consciousness. it's a doosy. that's all I can say for it right now.

and on that note I should get back to work.

i miss you mom and dad. Hope you are both well.

remembering

2005-10-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

beat me to the edge, originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

Today has been really...well...slow. I've had lots of school work to get done and it has finally frustrated me into doing something else. So here is a picture of my friends on top of winnemucca mountain. I had a glorious weekend there before I left the country. I am nostalgic for weekends like that now.

I'm not sure if I like it here. Isn't that funny. I think when I'm at home in my flat I'd much rather be living in brighton- but when i'm out and about I'm really happy to be in London.

Had my first real class last night. I kept wanting to ask myself...Am I really a graduate student? Am I?

It was strange and thoughtful and good and confusing and everything I expected it to be.

A couple of my classmates and I went to the birkbeck bar (which is about the size of my entire flat) to continue the discussion.

It was nice and strange and at times I felt like I was some poseur idiot trying to pretend I'm something I'm not. Still at other times I felt surrounded by a bunch of unfeeling Nihilists and like the only one with a heart (however naive and sentimental that makes me).

so yes. I am confused and delighted by that confusion, but of course concerned that I'm not smart enough, not focused enough, not in the right place-perhaps.

oh woe is me. hahaha.

will have to find the core of existence another day. for now....laundry.

a very good day indeed

2005-10-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

frog a pint and a packet of crisps, originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

So yesterday I got up and met frog at covent garden. We walked around there admiring the performance artists, the magicians, the pigeons. It was nice. We went into lush and found a natual deodorant to our delight. At the counter where they cut the deodorant bar in half (one for each of us) frog asked about coffee places that have soy. And the woman behind the counter replied..."I know this is probably a dirty word, but I believe starbucks has soya". HA. frog and I both laughed for quite a while about that. We managed to find a coffee place that had soy and was not starbucks. i got myself a banana milkshake, because it was a warm sunny day. We then wandered into this place called neal's yard, which is just a tiny litte cove of resturants and book shops. Frog and I both said we'd like to live there, looking out on the colorful building and smelling the incense wafting up to our rooms. It was lovely. I had chicken pie which was extraordinarily good and I hope to learn how to make. We then wandered out to a place called seven dials and sat around taking pictures of people. One man had a very orange drink and I asked him if I could photograph it. He looked worried but allowed me to anyway. I haven't figured out how to post more than one picture on here. I'll be sure to try and learn.

After all that we decided (as I had actual errands to run) that we would head up to camden so frog could get a pair of socks and some bread. It took us a little while to find the tube station but we made it. Of course I'm a dork and thought that I would be able to get postage stamps on a sunday. Not so. So we wandered around, got frog some bread and decided to have a pint by the river. We scouted a seat and that's where the picture is. That's frog and a pint of London Pride (eww) and salt and vinegar crisps. We sat there drinking and talking, frog found a button that said "I love my dad" on the ground and she pinned it to herself proudly. Eventually we noticed a couple of teenagers on the bridge across from us snogging. They must have been making out for 45 minutes. The two of us completely enthralled with the technique- the hand placement- why the girl didn't put her bag down- why sometimes she was almost bent over backwards and him still leaning forward. We had many good laughs and discussions and it was a pretty glorious day.

city life

2005-10-10T04:52:00.000-07:00

window washer seven stories up
Originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

so this picture is of the guy who was fixing something on my window. I live on the 8th floor, which to americans means the ninth floor. So to find some guy dangling out your window is somewhat suprising to me. Not so for my flatmate sofia. She says it happens all the time. Anyway I couldn't help but have a bit of fun and take a picture of this man and post a little note on my window that said- don't fall. He didn't or at least i don't think he did. Anyway that's all.

the ms's

2005-10-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

snocone
Originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

am just missing my friends.

ominous tate

2005-10-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

ominous tate
Originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

the best I can do. This is a picture of the tate modern. that is a gallery in london. and there was a frida kahlo exhibition- so i went with my friend frog (who is a friend of morsa's from that crazy artfestivalinthedesert thing).

it was good. good good good good.

i was very pensive afterwards and glad for it.

so yes, back in england. In london this time. Doing well or as well as can be expected.

thought i'd see if there's any blood coarsing through the veins of this here blog. we'll see. in time i'm sure we'll see.

i've also grown into the world of picture posting. it's just more fun that way isn't it?

so there you have it. a nice juicy picture from my experience in london. yippy.

hope all is medium rare.

2004-08-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

so, i have decided to let this little blog here atrophe. These muscles are for something else. So if you're reading and you want to keep getting updates- you can e-mail me at shavawnmarie@hotmail.com. I might give you a link to another place or I might just write you personal e-mails. I'm not certain. But this space, for now, is inactive. perhaps i'll pick it back up when I return to europe. Thanks for reading. goodnight

2004-07-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

i'm back in carson city. which is not where i was from- but it has a hint of familliarity. I miss people and smells and the weather and so many things. I just wanted to write somethign in here- in case people are still reading. I'm thinking that I will have to find a different venue for this- a different journal or blog or blurty so that i can know who is listening. Shot out to Aubrey.

i'm trying to find a job and trying to find a way to move to reno and trying to decide exactly what my plans are. i'm very uninspired right now so i'm going to stop- but know that i'm safe and surviving.

2004-06-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

oy i'm off to romania today- in something like two hours. It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've said almost all my goodbyes and i'm still not crying. I've got this disgusting sinking feeling in my stomach- but no tears. I'm excited to see everyone at home and extremely excited about romania- probably because i have no idea what we are going to do there. Good company makes good times, though, so i'm not worried. im drinking the most gigantic cup of tea right now(not my last in england as nick and aubrey pointed out) and just delaying things. I decided that my computer would be the last thing to be packed up- in fact the only thing in my room right now that has anything to do with me- is this computer. It's odd that the disconnection of an inanimate object has become the penultimate symbol of my rapidly-approaching disconnection from england- at least for a while. I thought of putting a rip-off of a poem i received from a friend of mine up on the wall. It's about leaving a place you've been for so long that parts of you have seeped into the fabric- and readying this new place for the next "bright body". It's entitled Apartment #8 I think i'd give it the subtitle (or room number one for these purposes) but i'm sure the housing people would tear it down and throw it away. It's the effort- they say- that counts- but i feel like i just can't be bothered. i've started to calculate how quickly my englishisms will disipate, and the thought of that makes me very very sad.

I'm still quite pissed off that someone had this idea of going abroad for just a year. It's absurd- it's just not enough time. COMMIT good friends, I say COMMIT to some kind of change. This is like growing an appendage and then slowly watching it atrophe. I'm just bickering- i've had an inexplicable time here. I'm ready for the newness of old things. and that being said- i'm ready for some entirely new things. Looking forward to building a context of romania and watching my worldview grow.

know this: I am happy, lucky, well nourished, loved, and so very grateful. until next time

cheers,

s

2004-05-03T21:41:00.000-07:00

so may.

Yes i arrived safely from egypt. I had a fantastic time and have a cd full of pictures for everyone to look at. I wish i knew how to post pictures on here- if that is at all possible. I'm sure that if i would just take the time I would be able to figure out how to do that. Other things are occupying my time. One of them being my inability to spell anything correctly.

But for seriousness. I am outlining the four papers i must write in order to pass my four classes this semester. I'm getting ready for my return to the states. I'm organizing a trip to (only) romania in the summer and i'm watching the sun rise right now.

I've registered for classes back home- unfortunately i didn't get into a poetry class i was vying for. But because of this class i have reaquainted myself with some of my poetry and i've been doing some interesting things with it.

I will graduate- assuming that unr doesn't mess things ups- in may of oh five (i've started to write it like that because i think it's funny).

I'm pretty frustrated right now- lots of stuff is happening but not a lot is getting done. and the ball of frustration is making me unable to sleep- it's like heartburn but worse.

I'm suddenly really weirded out because i have no idea who may or may not be reading this. It's a strange thing to not know you're audience. Oh well.

I've done a tiny bit of research into grad schools in the UK with cultural studies MA's and PhD's. I'm fairly certain that i'm going to jump right into grad school after I get my BA.

I'm really trying to build a center for myself right now. Figure out what i want- where i'm going and of course delving into who i am.

it's been over a month since i wrote in here i think- and i'm certain that tons of things have happened in that month- but either I don't find them interesting enough to write in here- or I don't have the discipline to sit down and write about it all. I think the latter rather than the former is true.

So this is an interesting entry. some kind of an update. But here you go.

it's very windy outside right now- although somehow overnight everything grew leaves and buds of flowers and turned all variations of hot-green, and yellow.

2004-03-27T13:34:00.000-08:00

off to egypt. love you all.

2004-03-22T21:24:00.000-08:00

well this will make some people (perhaps) slightly happier, my parents namely, but I'm fairly certain i've scrapped the trans siberian plans I had.

For about two weeks now i've been spending my time almost exclusively with two lovely men I've met. Without getting into too much detail there was much kicking around of plastic objects, playing of pac-man in well lit car parks at 2am, and brilliant, vivid and thoughtful conversation. Nick, a Bristolian, lives in the flat next door and I met him while persuing some other interests. He is charming and tender and one of the kindest people i've ever met. I met Andrei, a romanian exchange student, through Nick. I stumbled upon them in the common room of flat 23 whilst appologizing to Nick for putting off our plans to see a film, yet again. A film, might I add, that we still haven't seen.

The company I found in them, the joy and introspection catalyzed by them, and the pure bliss of being inside a place so full of goodness has made me reexamine my travel plans.

Andrei, having completed his studies here at Brighton (all too soon for my liking) has returned to Romania (or will in a few hours).
While preparing for his departure Nick and I began discussing possible times to visit, and seeing as I have absolutely no context of Romania (just as i have little context of siberia) we've drafted tentative plans to visit in June. Perhaps with a stopover in Prague first, and a wisking away of Andrei to Krakow.

This rash decision comes at a time where it is financially more advantageous to make plans further in the future to visit siberia and china, and instead stick to the places much closer to what is home now.

My deposit for the trip will be refunded and I can stop worrying about flights to and from the train journey, and how to ship my extra suitcase back to the states. I will be able to carry them with me, when i return from europe.

Also, this choice provides me with more space to fully understand the gravity of leaving England after having been here for so long. I will have more time to visit my English friends I've made here, and also have more time with the americans i've grown to love.

I realized that a lot of my trans siberian fantasy revolved around the idea of goind as far away as possible, and until recently this seemed like an acceptable way to leave this experience.

But with my friend Suki, deciding to leave university here at Brighton and return to london and several of my american friends deciding to stay here in england, not to mention Andrei's return to Romania, England has become much more than just "elsewhere" -the place I was escaping to. It feels much more like home.
So, I've decided to stay home, or close to home for a bit longer instead of running away again.

I'm not sure than in the end I will have actually saved any money by choosing England for a bit longer, and eastern Europe, but I do know that this choice gives me more time to be with the people I've come to love before I return to my beloved family and friends.

The trans siberian train ride would have been epic and challenging and vastly different than anything I've ever done, or anything anyone i've ever known has done. But it would have been done alone, and while I see so much value in that kind of journey, today I choose people, interactions, conversation, and communion.

today i've chosen to let all the feelings rush in, all the sadness and disappointment and that sense of loss that comes with leaving a place you've come to know as home. In some senses my trans siberian plans were an attempt to shut off that feeling.

It was a way to prevent investment, a thwarting of engagement with Brighton and England and the beautiful people around me.

Instead of jumping the first train out of Dodge, i'm gonna stick around for a bit. Let myself sink into the soil, leave more than just my hairs littered around this countryside, allow a part of myself to live in this place right now, and for as long as possible.

2004-03-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

i've got some work. it's election time at the university so i've got some hours working the ballot box. fun stuff I say. 21 days till i leave for egypt. when I count them it seems like so far away- but it isn't really. I've also discovered that the Glastonbury Music Festival (englands biggest) happens the last weekend I'll be in England- so I'm thinking of going to it, and soaking up the music before i fly to St. Petersburg. Generally that's all that's been happening. I have four classes now, had to drop one, it was too confusing and it was a fourth year course and here- everybody in that class has been through the exact same classes for the past three years- so yeah- it's difficult. I'm doing well though- getting over (fingers crossed) a head cold.

there is a place about half a mile from my flat- where time seems to stop. There are woods near my flat and if you walk to the other side of them- they open into these glorious hills and it feels like time stops there- there aren't a lot of sounds and the hills seem to never end, and they all look alike, they all are planted with the same kind of grass and they look identical. it's an eerie sight but beautiful. and then you turn around and there are the woods- completely messy and diverse and no tree looks the same, some are old and with branches growing back into the ground- as though it didn't like what it saw outside the earth and just wanted to return to its home, some with narley branches that get lost within themselves, all variations of the colors green and brown and endless mystery. Standing on the border of these two places is holy.

2004-02-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

this evening instead of going out for sunday roast dinner, Meagen- the goddess in room number 7 made us (from scratch) a roast chicken dinner- complete with homemade foccacia bread and this monstrous chocolate cake. She used no mixes or anything like that- she just cooked us food (all 16 of us) from scratch. She's amazing. We're trying to figure out a way to keep her happy all the time so that she'll be inclined to make us roast every week, or every other week.

I don't care that I don't have a job. And i've finally booked my Trans-Siberian trip. Paid for and everything. I will have circumvented (i think thats the word) the globe when i get back to reno. Which includes a visit to 3 continents that i haven't previously explored. Lovely Kristen from Kansas is talking about taking time off after we both graduate in 2005 and going to south america, as besides antartica it will be the only continent we won't have been to. Sounds good to me.

I dont' want to admit it, but I've been fighting off somekind of bug for the past week. Something about admitting an illness gives it strength somehow.

I had classes this week- well two to be specific, of the five. This week students and lecturers alike were protesting fee's the government is trying to impose upon them- so three classes were cancelled. I can't say i was broken hearted about this. In fact it's made this week quite nice. Oh and happy leap year.

I need to lie down so my stomach can settle, so happy birthday dad (yesterday) and i hope all is well elsewhere.

2004-02-21T23:08:00.000-08:00

i'm hillariously inconsistant. I actually quit that job i mentioned last post the day after i started it. Aweful things they wanted us to do. Right now I've sort of applied for another position within the same company and we'll see how that works out.
I start school on tuesday and have just finished reading the golden notebook, by doris lessing. So good. I love when that happens- when i'm made to read good books. It's much better than the alternative. I can never think of anything to write in here. I could talk about my adventures - however i haven't really been having any and if i did write about what i'd been doing it would go a bit like this.... woke up hung around the flat a bit- thought i should read, went into town, got bored walking around, hate walking around with people who want to be shopping ( it's their right to want to shop- i just hate that feeling of pressure when you're having a nice walk) went to the grocery store, came home, watched television- you've been framed (like america's funniest home video's), weakest link and the simpsons, made dinner, asked what everyone was doing that night- if they say they're going into town i stay home, if they're goign to the uni bar i think about it and most likely agree, we go to the bar, play a couple of games of pool, chew the fat and never really talk about anything, enjoy one another's company, come home when the bar closes, stay up checking my e-mail and waiting/hoping for people from home to be online, read a bit more, check on flight prices from beijing to los angelos, go to sleep etc.

i want to be going to movies- independent ones and talking walks in the fields behind my flat, and having good conversation about things that matter without feeling like i'm going to allienate or offend someone, i want to be reading faster and more efficiently, and exercising more, writing more and better, but for so many of those things i feel like i need someone else to do them with me or someone to coax me into doing it. Even though i put up a sign above my bed last week that says "no one is coming" i'm still waiting, for whomever to come make me have fun, make me do the things i want to do, make me grow and learn and make me happy. it's really quite stupid, but this is something i struggle with all the time. and the solution is just for me to get up and do things- but instead i wait.

the next thing i'd like to do is write about all the new american's who've moved in and how i feel about them- etc, what we've been doing and past adventures. but not right now- right now it's bedtime. thanks to everyone who is still reading. g'night

2004-02-12T16:58:00.000-08:00

start a new job on monday and found out i am still employed by the university although not necessarily at the bar. they will give me work whenever possible. I bought a book on egypt and have been reading. also been reading the golden notebook by doris lessing. a brilliant book- if you're interested in literature you should definitely check it out. thats about it. reading and being lazy and not celebrating valentines day. hope everyone has a lovely weekend

2004-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

egypt is confirmed and paid for. I'm going to see the great pyramid, the sphinx, float down the nile (from south to north) spend my day in what used to be the city of thebes and explore a country whose civilization lasted longer than any other thus far. I'm buying the histories tomorrow by herodotus and a book on egypt- so that I can understand further where I am going. I will admit that for a moment I was scared. Scared to go to egypt because I am an american, scared because I am white, and scared because I know so little about modern egyptian culture. But i am learning- or soon to be. Just thought I'd update.

still no job, but hopefully I'll have one soon.

2004-02-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

so the big news is I lost my job. Apparently the bar is owned by the student union who hasn't been managing money very well for the past three years...so they had to cut 5 people from the bar staff, and because i'm not going to live here after june they just figured that it'd be a waste of time to keep me on.

and now i move on.

job hunting tomorrow. hopefully a good paying one that will finance a new venture of mine.

been fantasizing about africa a lot.

if all goes well I'll be employed and on my way to egypt for spring break. this of course is weighed heavily on the fact that without job there will be no egypt, for me at least.

if it does work out though I will have been to four of the seven continents in the world when i get back to the states. it's a pretty exciting idea for me.

I'm glad to be working though- the idea of having a job that happens more than just twice a week is pretty exciting. I don't mind work when I'm working for something that I want.

Don't know if I'll stick to bar work (several places are looking for bartenders) or if I'll try something totally new.

as of right now I have absolutely nothing to do- i.e. no school and no work. for a month. oh and fixing my computer- which died late last night for some reason. fun fun stuff.

and my phone will send me voicemail messages but won't ring.

the past couple of days have been HIGHLY enjoyable, despite the loss of job, broken computer and potential thwarting of my travel plans.

i really enjoy that word...thwarting - couldn't tell you if it's spelled correctly or not, but man it's fun to say.

one extremely good thing that happened was I discovered that if I book my trans siberian trip before march uh 15th I think it cost's about one thousand us dollars less than if i book it later. YAY. Oh and I filled out my fafsa and my university scholarship application ON TIME. which seems amazing to me.

oh and I'm delighted to not only, be missing the superbowl, but to not even know who's playing. it's a good feeling. puts things into perspective.

Happy anniversary Matt and Nic and happy birthday tomorrow Matt.

well I love and miss you all. Hope you're all doing well.

-from another country

2004-01-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

so class number four is: Language, Literature and culture. It's basically a linguistic's class but it will count towards my degree at home- which is helpful.

and class number five (i know- five classes) is Dimensions of the sacred: basically a class examining religious symbols, myths and cultural influences. I don't know if this will count for anything but it deals with literature of specific religions and also the social issues that are prompted by religions- or spiritualities. I think it'll make me a better person.

as for my project- my group -ecluding lovely aubrey- is dumb. and I don't mean that as just a figurative insult. they really don't get our project, it's intentions or the desired outcome. i don't know how to explain to them that trying to format a project (which is supposed to be very personal) in order to impress the teacher - or to give what they suppose the teacher wants. I can't handle that kind of pandering. It's annoying and contrary to the whole spirit of the assignment. which I know you all don't know much about. Anyway we're taking a text that "speaks to us" and reinterpreting it through a different medium. we chose a section from a book called The DARK ROOM, where a man (micha) finds out that his grandfather was in the SS in belarus and partook of the massacre's that occured there. He goes to bellarus some 50 years after world war II and meets a man named joseph- who was jewish but helped to assassinate (sp?) people in order to save himself. Anyway - joseph dies and micha comes back to belarus for the funeral. After the funeral elena (josephs wife) leads micha to the field where much of the murdering took place. the scene is very vivid and harsh and poignant. it's a beautiful summer day and yet micha is standing on what may as well be a hundred corpses. etc etc etc

so these girls keep wanting to do things that they think our teachers will like- they have put no thought into the text themselves- they insist on regurgitating (once again spelling?) what the teacher has said. it's frustrating. I wish i'd done the project alone or with a smaller group of people I knew better.

i'm done complaining for now. i had the strangest dream about being back in reno- it was a happy dream, but I was so very disconnected from it. I was in reno- but i felt far away from everything and everyone i was seeing. interesting. I'm gonna miss my best friend, my brothers and my nephew's birthday within the next four weeks. then my dad's soon thereafter. thats another thing. missing birthdays.

oy. hope everyone is doing well. until next rant

2004-01-15T12:46:00.000-08:00

i am tremendously afraid of trying new things- studies at least. I'm terrified that I will fall in love and in turn have to throw away my previous work at university.
I'm thinking of taking a film class this coming semester- but I'm afraid that if I take it and enjoy it that I will want to change my major to art (film studies) and become a cinematographer. which wouldn't be horrible...

but it wouldn't be picking the music for films or designing the soundtrack - which I still believe has got to be the best job in the world.

and I've been in school long enough to know that the juxtaposition of classes usually causes a very unique and very specific atmosphere from which I pull both academic and "life" knowledge.

thus far I've chosen these classes....but need a fourth

Contemporary British Fiction - which will include Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange (with the original ending included - as it was cut from the american version), Salmon Rushdie's Midnights Children and others- which I'm excited to explore.

Modern English Novel (I know you're asking yourself what is the difference) - which includes Conrad's heart of darkness, Woolf's Orlando and Joyce's Portrait of an artist as a young man. I use to abhor the first selection but since I have learned more about Joseph Conrad's relationship with richard casement [ask me about casement later] I've become fascinated by him. Woolf is always brilliant and Joyce I'm already half obsessed with. My only qualm with reading Portrait is that I fully believe that Joyce should be read chronologically ie: Dubliners, then portrait, then finegan's wake and finishing with Ulysses. Half of you don't know what I'm talking about. ha

and last but not least...

Borders and Boundaries : a study of geography and globalization (which the english spell globalisation) both the impact of nationalism and the effects and consequences of an increasingly globalised [i know...but when in rome..] world. I'm extremely excited about this class. I need to talk to people.

and I need spelling lessons. I've resolved to buy a dictionary because I find more often than not that I have no idea how to spell words....I always thought that spelling was my brothers pitfall- not mine. Sorry matty.

heather [with her chipmunk laughs] and I are growing impatiant of the arrival of our new roomates, which much to our dismay, we discovered were all female. Girls are wonderful and i have nothing against living with them- however both of us have found that we fair better when living with boys...or at least some boys...and our neighboring flat has taught us many lessons this year about how sometimes living with a house full of girls can be intolerable- for all parties involved.

I feel terribly misogynistic [dictionary time] saying that. I shall have to think about it longer.

oh and love in the time of cholera- is...is....so many things, and of all genre's of literature I think I enjoy latin american literature the most.

and I'm doing a half-assed job of developing my thesis (which I'm not confident enough to share with all of you- yet) which I will have to present within the school year of 2004-2005. but everywhere I go i find that there is so much more to know before I make some assumption, so much more to learn, to see and I shall never be sated.

this is the end for all you folks without reading stamina. ha I hope this finds you all well. next time I will talk about my final project for my explorations in literature class. it's going to be brilliant. until then.

shavawn

2004-01-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

ah ha! another post and so soon after the last one.

well since joel told me that many people weren't reading my posts because they tended to be long winded- i promise this will be another short one.

saw lost in translation today. sofia coppola- francis fords daughter- her second flick. it was good- charming in fact.

I have discovered a new friendship in my flatmate heather. She makes me giggle. she, herself, laughs like a chipmonk. brilliant little chirps.

I feel a bit like nothing I have to say right now means anything at all- so Ill just say that I'm in good health. I have lectures thursday, work on friday and saturday and I hope to finish Love in the time of cholera (a great book) before work on friday. So I'm off.

oh and today- it rained huge drops- the kind that splash up from the earth back into your face. I felt like Gene autry (I think that's his name) sans umbrella this morning on my way to work. I splashed about in all the puddles and spent the next 6 hours drying off.

hope the weather is entertaining you wherever you are.

2004-01-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

so I have returned safely from my trip with my parents. I think we had a good time. I'm being shuffled out of the library as we speak. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing well. The weather today was like spring- warm and gentle. The sky gets bigger here every day. clouds rip it open or cover it completely sometimes- but when they are gone i can see the curve of the earth in any direction. it's beautiful. I have so much to talk about- but nothing really to say. So until the next time I'm at the lab or until monday (when I get internet access in my room)- adieu.

2003-12-22T04:32:00.000-08:00

i know I'm a dreadful person. I haven't written in almost a month. I promise to be better. I have so much to say and not enough time before the lab closes to say it. I will say that Dani has left this afternoon and I'm sad. I hope everyone has a good holiday season. I hope to talk to people soon too. MWAH

2003-11-28T13:12:00.000-08:00

So am back from the first leg of my radiohead following. been back actually for a few days. It's lovely not having access to a computer after 7pm. anyway I wrote while I was away- having all that time to myself so I figure I'll just type what I've written. Woo. hope you like.

23.11.03
In Newcastle, have just seen Radiohead live for the second time. I love them. So entertaining, so charismatic and brilliant music- always. Oy. I think when I get home I'll buy a ticket to the show in Aberdeen and try to go to at least one of the London shows. If not those I've still got dublin with dani. I'm in a state of euphoria- it's inexplicable. I am acting like an 11 year old- it's excellent. It started yesterday morning at about 7:30am when I hopped on the coach (bus) up to Manchester. I slept through the majority of the 8 hour drive, but I did wake in time to see the city. For some reason I expected Manchester to be more broken down and working class, but when we arrived I was suprised by the large new buildings and clean streets. The was one building (one of the older ones) which reminded me of a Monty Python skit ( I think from the beginning of THE MEANING OF LIFE) where a bunch of dissatisfied, elderly office workers whose office has apparently been taken over by a younger more efficient firm have a mutiny and take over their office building like pirates. They then proceed to sail all about this city (presumably London) in this building and eventually attack this very fancy brand new building of some random american corporation. It's a brilliant skit and hillarious.
Anyway the building that reminded me was all lit up by the rays of mid-afternoon sunlight making it appear somehow triumphant over the surrounding buildings. I found Manchester charming and vowed to pay more attention to why and how I am developing opinions of places I have yet to be.
As I checked into my hostel there were thre people, two males and one female, asking for directions to the MAN. arena which is where Radiohead was playing. I knew immediately that I was going to try to be friends with these people- as it was apparent that they had excellent taste in music. Lucky me, I come to find out that we are all staying in the same room. I asked them if they were going to the concert and if they wouldn't mind some company on the walk up. They said they wouldn't mind but that they were leaving early to have dinner and wander around a bit. I agreed to come along and we left right away. On our walk we introduced ourselves. Renee, Paul and Duncan ar all from Australia but they work and live in Birmingham. They had come up to Manchester immediately following the World Cup Rugby Final between England (who won) and OZ. {just a side note- it should be known that this is the first time anyone in the northern hemisphere has ever won the rugby world cup} Like me, they had been up since 7 or earlier, however by 7:30 they were in a pub drinking waiting for the match to start. I consoled them on their loss and we set off to find a place to eat. We found a lovely irish pub whose name I can't recall near the arena and we sat down for a few pints of Guiness and some conversation about George the Second, and of course music. All four of us then ordered sausage and mash for dinner, on Duncan's suggestion. It's made with a Guiness gravy, an interesting dish but filling and tasty - or perhaps it was just the Guiness. Off to the concert we went and got split up. For some crazy reason I had seats for my first radiohead concert and had to sit in the balcony about a million miles away. Before our split we agreed to meet after the concert but I couldn't find them when the show was over so I waited for an hour in the cold, foggy weather for a cab back to the hostel. I wasn't paying enough attention on the way to the arena to find my way back... bad planning on my part. When I arrived at the hostel they were already in bed so I followed suit and fell right asleep. In the morning I left them a note with my e-mail and phone number in hopes that they would get in contact with me. I'm not certain if they got it but I hope to hear from them.
My coach left @ 9:05 am and I was off to Newcastle. Outside of Manchester the scenery reminded me of Nevada in many ways. The landscape seemed to be covered with (or what looked like) yellow cheatgrass and little bushes that made me think of sagebrush. At one point this old rock wall, which must've been ancient, divided the land to the left of the coach into two halves as far as I could see. The half to the left of the wall was as I've described, but the half to the right was a brilliant green, almost like astro turf and it stood so defiant amid the hundreds of leaveless trees surrounding it. It was a beautiful site.
After we pasted through leeds where I almost left my luggage on the coach my mind shifted from the ground to the sky. It was a gray and dismal day but the sun looked like a waterdrop and the grey clouds and what little light they let through looked like ripples reverberating out from the sun. It was eerie, but breathtaking. I arrived safely in Newcastle. Because of my poor planning I had had to book a hotel in Newcastle- as all the hostels were full. But when I arrived at my Quality Inn I was happy to suffer through the luxury of a bath tub. In fact, as I'm writing I've already had two baths. [and for the record I had one more in my 16 hour stay in Newcastle] To those that are deprived of them, baths are a holy, magnificent thing.
A note should be made as I am soon on my way to wales that most English people, for whatever reason seem to have an abbhorance for the welsh and find amusement in refering to wales as "sheep shagging country". The animocity is apparently two-sided and I am interested to see what the Welsh have to say about the English. And while we're making interesting notes about England it should be know that when an adolescent is near a monument or important structure and feels the need to immortalize themselves in permanent ink they write their name an "woz ere" which took longer than it should've to translate into the american (and probably canadian) "wuz here". I thought abuot teh subtlety of difference and how strange it was to me. I thought of perhaps leaving a bit of myself here in Newcastle scrawled the american way and wondered if those to stumble upon it in the future would recognize the difference and ponder the oddity as I have.

24.11.03 Cardiff, Wales.
My coach to wales left at 6am this morning. It was extremely cold in Newcastle at that time of the morning- 7 degree's celsius below zero. I don't know how that converts to farenheight, nor do I want to. It was freezing and we had to wait outside for the coach because it was late. This spawned a string of events that led to me to eventually call Christina back in brighton to see if she could find out how much a train ticket to Cardiff would be from Birmingham- as my driver had made it pretty clear that we were going to be late. Christina found me the information and I wrote it down. Fortunately, however, my connecting coach was late as well, so I opted to just wait for it and get to Cardiff a little later than I had expected. When the coach arrived it was so full that for the first time since I started my travels I had to sit with someone else. Her name was Lucy. She was going back to school in Cardiff and had been visiting her family in Birmingham. When she asked what I was doing and I explained about Radiohead, the look on her face made me sure that we were going to be friends. Lucy's boyfriend was at the Manchester show, but she hadn't been quick enough to buy tickets to the Cardiff show and she wasn't certain that she was goign to be back from Birmingham in time anyway. To my extreme delight I told Lucy that I knew for a fact (because I had checked my e-mail in Manchester) that the Venue in Cardiff had reserved tickets for itself and they were still on sale. After much nudging and singing of radiohead songs I convinced Lucy to go to the show with me. When we got to Cardiff we had to split up. I went to my hostel (a giant red and purple building) and she went back to her halls of residence. We met outside the Cardiff international Arena at 7:30pm just as the supporting act Asian Dub Foundation (who remind me of Rage against the machine but less metalish and more eastern) came on stage. The Arena was so small that the only kind of tickets were standing tickets. Lucy and I secured a spot relatively close to the stage but off to the left side (that's ed's side- for radiohead). I was content with our position as I hadn't been able to get that close at the Newcastle show because I showed up too late- I had been taking a bath! ha! There was a bit of shuffling around during Asian Dub Foundation and I had to shift between taller men constantly but I'd finally found a spot where to one side of a guys head I could see Thom and to the other side Ed. Johnny who was on the right of the stage was pretty much invisable. Lucky me, however, a bit of a mosh pit [mom, dad and others- thats when people jump up and down together to a song and sometimes get violent and push people really meanly) started and Lucy and I ended up about three rows back front and center- I could see everybody from there- and they could see me! Thankfully our mosh pit was more of a combined and shared excitement at the same time so no one was hurt and we ended up just all scrunched up next to one another, sweating and belting out the lyrics to myxamatosis.
"no one likes a smart ass but we all like stars"
[this is where my journal ends but i have more to say]
The way the band was set up was hillarious to me. First- the guitar tech for Ed was able to walk completely under the microphone that had been set up for Ed. Second Thom- who has got to be the smallest member of the band (and for those who aren't fans- the lead singer) was flanked by Ed (the guitarist who we've already established is tall) to the left and Johnny(the guitarist and so many other things) who isn't much shorter than Ed to the tight. Then behind Thom was Phil the drummer and slightly to the left of Phil was Colin the bassist.
Everybody I know who talks to me about radiohead and who isn't a huge fan always asks "isn't it so depressing?" I don't know if it's because Radiohead's biggest single was creep- and that song happens to be depressing or if they've only been exposed to the mellower songs by radiohead- but this has always seemed like a silly assumption about radiohead's music. It's certainly not depressing- at least not to me, or not all the time anyway.
anyway, I think I had internalized a lot of those comments made to me because when the band came on stage the first time (in manchester) I was pleasantly suprised at their charisma and excitement. Thom does this little shimmy dance where he shakes his hips and wiggles around during certain songs. Ed has a grin on his face most of the time. It is apparent that Johnny is having a good time by the way he plays his various instruments. Phil and colin play off one another and they all seem to be having such a good time. Sometimes Thom will jump about and dance around the stage. He did this hillarious thing in Newcastle while playing the song "You and whose army". The piano was set up with a camera right in thom's face- so during the song he would wink at the audience at funny times and make silly appropriate faces when he said "come on if you think you can take us on". They're just lovely. Just for the record I have purchased tickets to the Aberdeen show (aberdeen is in scotland) and I tried to go to the wednesday show in london but they were honestly sold out. It's been such a nice experience traveling around england and wales (and scotland soon) by myself always on my way to a radiohead concert. I'll be glad to have dani with me in Dublin- she'll let me cry about the fact that it's the last time I'll see them for a while. She gets it and she's known me long enough to let me be a little silly.

I must give a disclaimer to my good friend joshua, because I've talked so much about two of his favorite things- radiohead and guiness.
***So josh, just to make it a little better for you- I was looking at your pictures of mexico and noticed the blue sky and that you mentioned that your roomates got a tan. Well here the sky is perpetually grey and the temperature is never warm enough to walk around without a jacket, scarf and gloves. There are benefits to being in both places. I wish, though, for this- you could've been here. ***

OH and yesterday was thanksgiving - so we had dinner at the flat next door. I didn't have to make anything because I volunteered to wash the dishes. It was good stuff. Turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. Even good conversation about why we celebrate thanksgiving and what thanksgiving historically represents. Good people I tell you- good people I'm surrounded by.
and with that said- I'm gonna go spend more time with them.

ooh- but wait. My professor- the one that is teaching the classes supposively taught by an american professor (ha! he works at Boise state but is English) he's going to let me do my projects on Radiohead. One involves poetry and the other travel writing. Good stuff I say! Good stuff.
Please everybody find a radiohead album and listen to it- they are so good. so very magical.

2003-11-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

right now I feel really good. I'm giddy about radiohead and I've discovered that if i take a pain killer when I feel sick or like resting my illness away- I can function. It doesn't take away all the pain or annoyance of being sick but it does dull it and it gives me space to do something other than feel like crap.

I hate that disengaged feeling one gets when ill.

and I've decided to take pictures- of my home and this trip. so, if I am truly as clever as I think i might be- I will be able to post some pictures for all of you to see. Yay. I still haven't packed. I just wanted to write something in here while I've been feeling well. Until tuesday then.

2003-11-14T16:41:00.000-08:00

I hated venice. not because of the city, or because of the language barrier, but because I was sick. I've decided to return to venice alone, when I'm healthy, and during a different season. I've been in bed since I returned on Tuesday evening. I have big plans to remain in bed until I'm completely well. Things I realized while in Venice= I prefer to travel with people I know, I need to know more languages, I need to take care of myself, and ryan air is the worst airline in the history of airlines.

one interesting fact is that the italian military is stationed at the airports in Italy with big guns, in addition to the security people and the police- who also have guns.

I hate guns.

I leave for radiohead a week from today. Am not excited about the coach rides- although I did only pay 20 pounds total to get me from Brighton to Manchester, Manchester to Newcastle, Newcastle to Cardiff, and Cardiff back to Brighton. Look at a map kids- you'll see how big of a deal that is.

i'm in a condescending mood so I'm going to stop writing.

2003-11-05T16:04:00.000-08:00

I leave for venice tomorrow and won't return for a while- so if I don't write- don't think it's because I've run off and joined the circus. I'll be back...with loads of stories about venice. woo.

2003-11-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

Where to start. since last I wrote I've been doing a lot of work and lots of school work, but not much else until this last friday when I went to Paris. We got home yesterday. I had an extraordinary time. I truly love that city. We did a couple of walking tours and then were left to our own devices- which was so good for me. I speak more french than I thought I did and that made me extremely happy. I felt special when people would ask me if I knew how to say something (and too often I did not) but i was glad to help when I could. I really really really want to start studying french again. I love it so much. I finally got to see l'arc de triomphe up close, as last time i was too lazy to walk to it. I discovered my favorite place in paris, is not as I thought Monmartre, but the cemetery pere Lachaise. Yes yes, that is where Jim Morrison, Oscar Wilde, and Edith Piaf are buried, but none of them were really why I enjoyed it there so much. I feel a little morbid thinking that my favorite place in paris is a cemeteryy, but honestly it was the most beautiful and pure place I have been. I think autumn had a lot to do with my attraction, as I would watch the yellow and orange leaves dance with the wind around beautiful mausoleums. I also think, though, that I loved it so much because the graves are so big and extravagant- which part of me finds distasteful, but I think another part comforts me.

it's a bit comforting to think of having something so big, and elegant to house my remains. Ah, but i am really ambivalent about it all.

perhaps it was just the day, the mood, the weather and the circumstances that made me love the cemetery so much. I did visit jim morrison's grave and left him a little somethin-somethin. It was after we visited his grave and walked around a bit more and found this gigantic monument to some french general where we sat down and I cried. Maybe it was the release that made the cemetery so wonderful. I cried about Elliot Smith, John Lennon, and Jim. I cried about my grandma's and grandpa who've gone already and my papa still living in arkansas. I cried about how scary and sad death is, yet how completely natural and beautiful it is also. I cried because everyone has to die, and because it's wonderful to be a part of a cycle. Then I cried about those who are living under horrific circumstances. I cried because I don't want to reinforce the system of oppression in the world. I cried because I'm so small and insignificant. I cried because we are all alone, and so many of us (myself included) don't love the only person who will ever really know us- ourselves. I cried because I was a tourist in this place where people where bringing their loved ones flowers and cleaning their headstones and sarcophagi. I can't explain how it all made me feel but it was good- a really really good feeling. I was so sad to leave, I wanted to cry more, to sit longer, to be so fully in my living skin amid tombs and death and life.
I have an honest fear of ghosts and the dark or better put- things that may be lurking in the dark- but I was able to picture myself inside Pere Lachaise on the darkest of nights without any inclination to fear or speculation about what would be waiting for me there. It was comfortable and safe. I don't know if anyone can relate- or if you all are suspecting that I've lost my mind, but when i return to paris, that cemetery is the place I want to go.

OY! and the next day we went to Le Chateux de Versailles (which, the first time I went to paris, was the structure which impacted me the most- I loved it then). This time, however, I could see how very much I had changed as a person in these last five years. I saw how I looked at the magnificent buildings and gardens and how I saw them as a waste of money- a needless extravagance. I kept a running list of how many things could be better aided by this money. I felt sorry for the plants, flowers and trees because the French (not only at versailles) keep them so damn regulated. I hated it. They look like they are cut out in little squares standing next to one another- as though they are imprisoned in a cell. It's ugly to me and I wished the gardeners or whoever would just let them grow. I understand the historical significance of the building and why maintaining it is so important to the identity of france, but it really really really made me dislike the sun king- Louis XIV. It just seems like a structural and architectural (forgive me for using this term) masturbation of his ego. He's pretty high on my list of people NOT to admire. I was glad to find myself so different, although a little sad that something that used to be so magical to me was now not as enjoyable. C'est la vie. Perhaps the cemetery will be that way for me next time I'm in paris. Oh and I took this fabulous picture of the Peace monument which is across from the military school- I managed to get both in the picture. Interesting juxtaposition isn't it- peace across from military. Hrm- somebody was thinking when they did that one.

We had a long trip home- our ferry was delayed. but I'm back in brighton safe and sound working hard and avoiding homework like the pro that I am.

and i've got other things to think about. England truly is a Temptation Island.

Zoe and Kate-the two women who run the american office here in brighton and the contacts through USAC (which is the program I used to get here)- and I were talking about me staying another year. Oy vay. Then today this lovely girl Suki who I work with at the bar suggested that I live with her next year in a house. She kept reinerating that she wasn't joking either. AND THEN I sat down with this lovely girl steph and our friend matt and steph turned to me and said- "I really think you should stay another year." ALL OVER THE PLACE I TELL YOU.

so I looked at what I need for my fafsa next year- and am contemplating. Nothing concrete yet- and I'm still almost positive that I'll come home after this year- but people have been making me think.

I have a few problems with staying. One of course being that I miss all my lovely friends and family in the states, and another year away from my niece and nephew might just be impossible. Another is the money issue- do I want to spend money on another year here, when I will certainly need it for either the peace corp, i to i, TEFL or graduate school so soon after I get my bachelors. The hardest to deal with is the ever present fear that I am running from something and this is just a big beautiful way of me hiding from whatever "it" is. Then I'm not even certain that I could stay through USAC for another year. And what about graduating- I don't have that many credits left and certainly several of them are not offered here....lots to think about.

in good news though- I'm going to try (with lots of peoples help) to organize a performance of the Vagina Monologues here at the University of Brighton. And I get to be a part of this huge event put on here for World AIDS day (which is December 1st for those of you who don't know). I will keep everyone updated on the goings-on of my life. Still looking for mail and e-mails from anybody bored. I do miss everyone. do take care all of you and until next time

-shavawn

2003-10-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

have sufficiently filled my alone time for a while I think. Haven't been to a bar *except to work* for a while. Yep folks that's right, I got the job. My brother would be proud. The only real problem is I pour beer without any "head" but the brits like a little foam on their drinks. So I have to unlearn my clever drink pouring skills to accomodate people here. It's a cruel world I know.

So since last I wrote several things have been going on. I got the job. I got sick again. I ruined our trip to italy because I couldn't miss a class, I discovered a passion for watching the Rugby world cup and cheering alone in my common room when "my team" (whichever one I pick to root for) scores or gets close to scoring. Lots of double entendre in this here entry. None intended. I had a fantastic dinner with Oli and his friend Isabelle who is french and encouraged me to try to speak french more. After a few seconds of uncomfortable mumbling in half french/english and probably a little italian, I rediscovered my voice. It's good to know other languages- makes me feel wonderful. It was great when I had to cancel the hostel reservation in Italy- When the gentleman answered the tele he said "Buona Sera" (we'll pretend that's how it's spelled) and I said "Buona Sera, Parli Inglesi" which is my best guess at how to say do you speak english *in italian* and he responded and we spoke in english and I ended the conversation with Gratzi! I'm so proud of myself.

My classes have been extraordinary. My creative writing class is incredible- we discussed the problem of "self" when one writes. For example,should the author be present in the text, or should you have absolutely nothing to do with your writing. This problem has made the past few days painfully perplexing and wonderfully philosophical. I do love splashing around in perplexity. I was a philosophy major at one point. Oy.
an added bonus is the small class- it's very different but I can't imagine a better way to learn. Instead of being told to leave ourselves out of our writing *like I learned early in my english career* we are expected to bring as much of ourselves as possible to the table. Oy it' wonderful.
AND My poetry class is the absolute best. Imagine reading a good book, or seeing a good film and sitting around talking to your friends about it.....this is what this class is like. We read the Waste Land by T.S. Eliot first, and I just have to say I love that poem. It's so heavy and rich and full of layers- I get so excited when we talk about it. I am a geeky literature major- aren't I.

OH my explorations in lit class is so powerful and we've only had one lecture. This year academically is alright ripe with so much potential for me, for learning and growing and becomine. Cliche, eh? I'm just happy to be here. I really wish I weren't sick, though. Oy

and have I mentioned that people here have rediculous haircuts....like one half short the other slightly longer...and the tips of hair as different colors (but only in sporadic patches- nothing uniform). It's quite funny for me. I'm glad people feel free to express themselves. I haven't taken nearly enough pictures- I'll be sure to soon.

oh and today was aweful because all I kept seeing were bunches of 10-16 month old kids, who of course remind me of my neice who is growing so fast while I'm not there.

I didn't cry though. good for me.

I hate to do it- but really guys if you feel the slightest urge to write me a letter or send me a care package or anything really I'd greatly appreciate it.

shavawn smith
22B Paddock Field
University of Brighton, Falmer
Brighton, Sussex
BN19SF

or call me from america 011447906625105

from elsewhere I don't know.

hi alice.

I'm quite tired now, as I haven't slept yet. So I'm off to cook dinner- Burritos. Oh of all the food I miss, I miss mexican the most. I've resolved to 1)never eat a hamburger over here and 2) never to eat mac and cheese over here. I'm branching out...yep yep. I'm actually falling asleep at the computer. Good thing I'm not driving round here. Oh and did everybody get my postcards? Do write and let me know

shavawnmarie@hotmail.com

peace, take care of yourselves.

-s

2003-10-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

so dani finally went home this afternoon. Oh did I mention that we uh missed her flight on monday morning- sure did. That sleeping in thing, I tell you. I went to two of my classes today. They seem interesting. There are only three students in the first one and two in the second so they should be quite intimate throughout the semester. Oh and I've discovered that for about a month I will only have one class. Interesting situation here.

I'm immersed (why did I never learn how to spell) in fresher's week here, although I think I'll abstain from several of the activities. I am really glad to have settled in before everyone else got here- I think it would have been awful to show up and be moving and acclimating while everyone is getting pissed (drunk) and being loud.

Because of the nice weather we had when I first arrived and the quick transition to rain and wind I was afraid that england might not have seasons, or at least not the four distinct ones that I enjoy back home in nevada. But I'm looking out of the computer pool room window and watching the leaves on the trees gradually morph from green to orange to yellow to hints of red and so on.

and I'm deeply in love with the word autumnal.

I've got laundry and grocery shopping to do but I can't seem to pull myself away from the computer or out of the computer room. I'm watching people- students- listening to their various conversations in their various accents. wondering what they're writing or reading or looking up. engaged in thoughts about what they're thinking. wondering how much of myself is me and how much of themselves are them.

wishing my mother would write or call me. I think i've given up hopes for india- at least for now.

right now I feel like there is more than an ocean separating me from people at home, more than the language barrier from people here, more than just a body isolating me from all that is outside. but "it" doesn't have a name.

I'm anxious for some alone time, time to think about me and only me.

...

I love and miss everyone. Hope all is well wherever you are.

2003-10-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

Oy!

usefull fact for everyone: there are more pubs in brighton than there are days in the year.

I think I may have a job soon. I have to work a "trial shift" the evening of the 11th at the bar on my campus, and if everything works out I'm pretty sure I have a job. Yay. These past few days I've done very little. Dani and I went to van morrison and then hung out with all the students who are just arriving on campus. This coming week is "freshers" week where everyone gets their classes and has lots to drink. I've met some lovely people and some interesting people. Dani seems to be having a jolly time. we ended up not going to salisbury or to stonehenge, because we slept in. Clever girls we are. I start classes this wednesday and I'm excited. I've been out of school for far too long. It's really quite unnerving- being out of school for almost 4 months. June- now. I'm not used to that. I hope I haven't lost all my "smarts". This evening should include another trip to the bar- I swear ma I'm only going to survey what the bartenders have to do so I can do well on my trial shift. *wink* I think if I hurry up I'll be playing a game of football with some boys we met last night. Paul and Daniel. They're quite nice and both very young. hehehe. Oh and I've made lots more friends. It's strange though- feels like they know a part of me, but that no one here really knows me. I guess that's what I have dani and this blog for. The blog does smell better though. And for that. i'm going to let dani write something in here because she's asked so nicely....

*notice: the following comments do not express the opinion of the owner of this blog, but are rather just mere nonsense- enjoy or ignore, whichever you prefer.*

Let's get some things straight....

First- of the 3 nights that I've been here shavawn has not come home before 6am for two of them. So, when she says ''we'' slept in it was really just her. She is the one that was so ''entranced'' by the young men last night she couldn't get her happy butt home in time to sleep for more than 3 hours.

Brighton is a crap hole. Everyone here seems to have a ''big issue''. All I have to say is ''do I look like I want a big issue?'' The Carnival rides on the pier suck because Shavawn is too afraid to go on them with me. yes- I know I could go alone but what is the sense in that? If I'm going to die, I want to do it with shavawn so I can laugh at her while she is plunging into the ocean.

Hi Mrs. Smith. I hope you are doing well.

Brighton ain't crap compared to Cork. Represent- what! Fo shizzle my nizzle.

Brighton is actually a nice city and I do love it here.... Shavawn has some wonderful friends that I am paying so they will be polite. Just kidding.

_____________________________________________________________

and that was all for dani. Thank you everyone- she'll be here all week.

that's all for me too- later I'll explain some of the jokes she's made, but for now--football and soup.

peace yo.

2003-09-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

yesterday was interesting. i didn't much like people yesterday. I think I can confidently say that I'm not a group person. I prefer smaller cozy get togethers. It was christina's birthday and we went out to dinner. I think, perhaps, the reason I don't like people is because I don't like myself enough. I am well aware that there will always be people that I don't like, but sometimes- like yesterday- i didn't much like anyone including myself. I think I was just tired of being sick.

I cried for the first real time last night. thinking about my grandma who passed away in june. I was flipping through my cds and I came across one without a label on it (pretty untypical of me) so I decided to listen to it. For my granny's funeral I had made a cd with music that the family wanted and that granny would have liked. The label-less cd was that cd. It took me by suprise and i couldn't help but crying. It's funny how things sneak up on you like that. I kept thinking about how grateful I was that I got to be there when she died. I certainly don't mean to be morbid, but there really is something very special about being in the pressence of death (the peaceful death of a loved one at least) and continuing to live...

oh and I miss my aunt betty. she was there with me she is a hospice nurse and had been taking care of granny. Betty knew right before it happened that granny was going. My grandma's name was Jeanette.Betty was my grandma's youngest child. how strangely beautiful it was that the person granny had last birthed into life, was the person who patiently and courageously birthed granny into death.

the whole world's a cycle.

I've just realized that my watch that my mom gave me on the moring of my departure (it is technically my mom's watch) smells like my mom- her perfume at least, in the latch. that's nice.

Today I feel better but I have a paper to write on British Culture before thursday then dani comes for Van Morrison and we head off to Salisbury and Stonehenge. The paper is going to be on British Music- in the past 50 years. This lovely little island has produced some great music.

anyway- just wanted to write. hope everyone's doing well, or if not that they're handling it well.

2003-09-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

So day five of illness. Ick.

I had to miss my trip to East sussex yesterday because my head felt like it would explode if I moved around too much. I have medicine though in liquid form, no pills this time (although I hate medicine period). There is just something about taking these external substances that really weirds me out. I feel like i'm betraying my body sometimes- ya know because for stuff like this cold- my body should be (and I'm sure is) capable of fighting it off without any help. But we take medicine to make the symptoms go away, when the symptoms are just signs that our body is doing what it's supposed to. However uncomfortable it may be to just live with the symptoms still feels better than that sense of betrayal and lack of trust in my own body. Next time I get sick I think i'll just let my body do it's work. Be a little patient.

hrm. Today I have been feeling much better. Celeste, Kim, Sevy, Angela (the minnesotan) and I went out to Sunday Roast. Apparently every sunday here a bunch of pubs have a roast (you can have chicken, beef, lamb, or vegetarian). It was great. I had chicken and lots of vegetables (some of them completely unknown to me). Right now I'm really full and am starting to believe that myth about English food being really horrible is just that, a myth.

Yesterday while I was practicing my skills of lying motionless for hours on end I read more in my book on India. I found a couple of places in Delhi I really want to go to- like the Mahatma Gandhi Museum. I've also been reading the Tibetan book of living and dying. It's the second time I've read it, but I went through it too quickly last time to really retain anything. It's much more vivid and thought provoking this time around and is suplemented well by the book on india.

pictures picture pictures. So before I got here I decided that I didn't want any pictures of things, or if I did have pictures of things that they would also have people in them. So i've taken about 0 pictures in Brighton, but I will get on it soon. The only problem is I don't have my digital camera with me, so when I develope film I will have to develope it onto a cd. and did i mention that each pound sterling is worth $1.70. This creates a bit of a problem with the pictures cause I'm enormously cheap. I promise to put some up, soon but don't expect me to stop complaining about the cost.

I must tell you all about my flatmates downstairs (where I hope to move...maybe). One of the very first nights we all went out we went to a pub called the Lectern. It was a pretty nice pub with an enormous big screen television on the wall. When we arrived a football match was on (football being soccer- for those of you who don't know), but following that there was a program on David and Victoria Beckham. For those of you who don't know who David Beckham is, well, you're probably very smart people. He WAS an english football player (and one of the best) until he traded teams (he now plays for Real MADRID). Anyway he's married to Posh spice they have two kids Brooklyn and Romeo......

I know. I thought I'd give you guys a little space for laughter. Anyway we were all watching this program and they showed a close up picture of David and Oli said "He has a very symmetrical face". After we all finished laughing, we came to the conclusion that we should all be obsessed with david beckham (and some of us authentically are...sevy). So the joke had lasted for a while, we even hinted at the prospect of stealing a cardboard cut out of Becks (as he is affectionately known now) from Borders, but it was when Sevy started looking up pictures of him in magazines that it really grew out of proportion.

Now with those pictures she found she made photo copies, and she cut them out and pasted them on the wall of the downstairs common room. Then other people joined in and found a calendar- adding to the pictures on the wall. Sevy found more pictures and now everyone downstairs has a picture of becks on their door (oli got two). Sevy also found this article in a magazing about how to make squirrels out of loo rolls (toilet paper rolls) and cardboard. Now the downstairs common room is known as Beckingham Palace, complete with several little loo roll squirrels guarding the "Becks Shrine" contribution box where all are invited to contribute their tupances (two pence coins) to the cause. We're still working on a costume for two of the squirrels that will make them look like Buckingham palace guards.

I really love these people.

Strangeness is just so much more fun than normalcy. Oh and I forgot to mention that two rooms downstairs are still empty- so two (most likely british students) will have to acquiesce to their strangely obsessive, mostly american flatmates.

it's good stuff, I tell you.

just another silly story for your entertainment. Yesterday on the East Sussex trip everybody got to go to Battle- the place where the Battle of Hastings was fought in 1066- The last time England was invaded. Sevy, being the clever girl that she is, found herself a most appropriate costume for halloween. When they arrived home, and I met up with them I found sevy fully decked out in fake chainmail and shirt with the cross on it, just like a british knight circa 1066. To add to the hillarity of this situation we all realized that we will be in Paris during Halloween (the french were those last people to invade) and that several of us were planning to get coconuts to beat together and follow sevy around singing the fanfare from Monty Python and the holy grail.

silly people we are. Laughter is the best medicine.

OOh my classes have worked out. I'm taking Contemporary British Poetry, Advanced Creative Writing (travel writing) and Explorations in literature. The professor who's teaching the Explorations class also taught a day in our British Culture Module and he seems very interesting. I recommended he read "the Culture of Make Believe" by Derrick Jensen- (I recommend all of you do the same) a book I thought he'd be interested in. I hope this semester is as exciting as I keep imagining it to be. I still might have one addition class that I can take, but I might just stick to three ( those five day weekends... ).

Oh and I hope to get a job as soon as school starts. I think perhaps I'll work in the computer lab (they pay better) but if that doesn't work out I'll work in the Student Union, either at the desk, the shop, or the bar. Yes yes, there's a bar on campus! woo.

anyway I've rambled enough for today. I hope everyone is doing well.

peace.
shavawn

2003-09-25T05:21:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. Today I'm feeling like crap. I've got some kind of cold- but i'm really not complaining. I went out and had a fantastic time last night. I made a few friends and fell deeper into love with the people i've been hanging out with since I arrived. So, i know everyone is lost and has no idea about who i'm talking about so I'll try to qualify. Celeste and Kim are both from Humboldt university in California. Celeste is probably the person I'm most kindred with. She's athletic, playful and just great. When she arrived she had litteraly one bag on her back and she'd been traveling before she got to brighton. Taught me a good lesson (with my 5 bags that I could barely handle myself) about what I really "need." She reminds me that death is but a breath away and I should live now now now! Kim has the best laugh - the harder she laughs the higher the pitch gets...its wonderful. Last night we went out with Kim and her friend Sade (from australia) whom she met at an easter seals camp where they both worked with people from ages 7 to 45 (i think) with disabilities. She reminds me of how important helping others is oh and how good laughter is for you. Oli and I are betrothed. He's from Hamilton, New Zealand and we've worked out the perfect plan for both of us to get green cards into each respective country. The bonus is (that oli's wonderful) but really that his parents are suisse, so he has access to not only New Zealand, but all of the European Union (and a nifty suisse passport). I thought an american green card for him was a good trade off for my personal access to both the E.U. and New Zealand. Oli's face gets all scrunched up in the most fabulous way when he smiles and when we make him giggle is the most precious thing you've ever seen. It's like his joy is too big for his face to hold. Plus he's a hockey (field- the "real" kind apparently) player so I have someone to go cheer for. Then there's severina or Sevy. We most match musically- at least with our fanatacism for it. She doesn't much like music from the 60s and 70 though- I'll have to work on her. She's a lit major and is hillariously quirky. She's such a tiny little thing but she packs a big punch. Picture Daria, slightly smaller with more excited sarcasm and a dry sense of humor. I'm dying to meet her family- especially her mexican grandmother about whom she recounts fabulous and outrageous stories. She's initiating me into icelandic rap and a welsh band that really likes Kronenbourg beer. Then there's Christina from ohio. She reminds me most of Dani. Within the first 6 hours of knowing her we were already picking at each other with heavy sarcasm. She explained to me why it's ok to have a celebrity crush on vin deisel quite convincingly. She's always up for fun or hanging out. She gives great face. When she laughs (which is often- sometimes all the time) her eyes get all squinty and her face looks like the comedy face. ( you know the comedy and tragedy faces one's laughing one's crying- yeah she's the laughing one). And her sarcasm seeps into her facial expressions beautifully. There are many others Two Ashleys (one from new jersey, one from ohio), a billy and allison (who are engaged), two angela's (one's a grad student- from new york and the other was here last semester- from minnesota), another kiwi named greg. for those of you who don't know "kiwi" is a nickname for new zealanders. We have a brian from chico, a heather from texas, a kristen from kansas, a sheena and Aubrey from Las vegas, an eryn from idaho, and an abbey from ohio. Abbey is actually just our student guide kinda but she lives in my flat. She came through USAC two and a half years ago and has just stayed. She works for the american office and graduates sometime this year. Hrm perhaps I'll take over her job. *wink*
Besides last night which included dinner, a pub (with pool- british not american. Joshua- you should be proud to know that i've become quite good at british pool. can't play nine ball though. the balls are smaller and divided equally into two colors red and yellow. Last night I won twice. once by myself and once with celeste), and finally a club, I've been on one pub crawl which was wonderful and been out to a few pubs in town in smaller groups. I never pictured myself coming to brighton and going clubbing but man I love to dance. Good atmosphere here- none of that reno live crap. In addition to pubbing and clubbing I've been attempting to plan a trip to india this winter, either before my parents come after christmas or if they decide to come in spring for the whole month I have off. Celeste is going with her cousin and I asked to tag along. I've purchased a book on india and I'm glad to learn so much even if I don't get to go this time. I did find a relatively cheap ticket, but haven't had the gall to buy it yet. Have to talk to my mum first. As I said before I should be getting my classes sorted out later this afternoon and I hope *fingers crossed* that I'll only have class on wednesday and thursday. FIVE DAY WEEKENDS! WOO! I've planned a jaunt to italy in october. Dani will be here next weekend for Van morrison and we're heading out to Salisbury (i love you kes) and stonehenge, possibly wales. I've secured a long weekend in Dublin after the radiohead concert- perhaps with free accomodation. This weekend I'm taking a small tour of East sussex and am going to paris the first weekend in november. I'll write more when I get info on my classes.

about brighton: it's a city of about 260,000 people but where i live (in the south downs or sussex downs) looks more like a pastoral countryside. We live about 20 minutes out of town on a bus, and I've purchased a three month bus pass. The city is lively and reminds me SOOOO MUCH of san fransisco. When you're driving (or in my case riding) into town you come through the south downs (which are hills- pretty big ones too, but no mountains) it looks like a pretty well populated traditional english town. Cute cottages and old red brick buildings. some victorian houses but by the time you get through the downs it morphs into Berkley with it's quaint livelyness (i know that might not make sense but it does to me) and bohemian streets, as you get closer to the ocean the city explodes into san fransisco without the nasty smog and dirty streets. Victorian town houses squashed together painted in different variations of all pastel colors or white. Not quite so steep streets but hilly anyway all mixed in with this extravagent building called the Royal Pavillion and an old pier. The beach is very well kept, clean and rather touristy but beautiful all the same. The weather here has only recently turned cold, and my campus is notorious for having nasty winds. I hope to find a pair of ear muffs so I don't get another ear infection. I think it's about time for my nap- it speeds along the healing process. I just want everyone to know that I miss and love them but am extraordinarily happy here and feel so grateful and thankful that I'm privileged (sp?) enough to have this experience.

peace,

shavawn

2003-09-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

So I had this lovely plan to transfer all of my journals into this web log but the fact is I'm just too lazy. so here's a short but sweet recap of my life since september 3rd when I ventured out of american into the unknown.

days one and beyond: lots of air travel a nasty nine hour layover in D.C. met a lovely girl named Yael there (she chews gum like it's the most fantastic activity ever invented) arrived safely in london. A sweet girl from Minnesota helped me cary my luggage to the heathrow express and then to a taxi. I arrived in my hostel, slept a lot. Met three very cool girls. Elle from Australia and Tanja and Melanie from New Ulm Germany. We hung out and drank some cheap wine after I woke up. the next day I met Noelle- from NY and she and I went walking all around London. Westminster Abbey is excellent. I saw where Queen Elizabeth I is buried. Lots of other interesting dead people buried there. The next day was hard because it was my neice Isabella's first birthday. I missed family a lot that day- but I got to talk to my brother and my nephew Sam, so all was good. The next day I checked out of the hostel and went to the airport WAY TOO EARLY for my flight, but i did meet five lovely irish girls and they played cards with me and made fun of pop idols.

Cork days: I arrived in Cork on September 8th and had the most fabulous cab driver. He told me all about Cork on our short drive to Dani's Appartment. He was totally charming. Dani was waiting outside for me and we hugged and almost got ran over. Good stuff. We went out to a Pub that night called the Thirsty Scholar - funny huh and I had too many pints of cider (good stuff though- just in moderation). We saw this great band that played traditional irish music and a few kids got up and did some traditional irish dancing. It was excellent (not to mention they played sweet caroline- the best pub song ever). The next day was low key. I washed clothes and later in the afternoon went wandering around city centre. I found a fabulous che guevera faceplate for my phone and a cute little store that reminded me of the melting pot at home. Dani and I saw a movie (Veronica Guerin) about and Irish reporter in Dublin who, while reporting on Dublin's drug problems, gets assaulted and eventually murdered by those running the industry. It's powerful and moving and made my heart hurt a lot. I just kept feeling how I wasn't big enough to save the world. If that makes any sense to anyone. The next day was pretty uneventful but I did play Irish Monopoly with a couple of Dani's friends. Good stuff. Then I went home.

Brighton: I took a bus from stanstead airport to brighton and while the drive was lovely and the english countryside is as wonderful as it has always seemed the trip was three hours long and I was ready to be off the bus by the time we arrived. Thankfully my hotel was 50 feet from the bus stop so my five bags and I made it quickly and safely into my room- on the third floor. It was nighttime so I couldn't see the water but the hotel is right next to the brighton pier which was all lit up and reminded me (oddly enough) of the movie lost boys when the vampires first attack. Oh yeah good stuff. I basically went to sleep that night. The next day I walked around brighton and ate at this horrible restaurant. I walked out on the pier at sunset and decided that it wasn't all that scary after all.

HOME: I arrived the following moring at my flat and met some of my flat mates. Without going into too much detail I love thus far Celeste, Kim, Christina, and Oli. We've had many adventures but i'm tired of typing so I'm going to go. peace and happiness to you all.