Monday, April 20, 2009

Life Lists

My Life List 2/27/96 (with revisions from 11/11/08) Black Strikethroughs are completions…Red Strikethroughs are revisions

1) Act in my own movie

2) Write a book

3) Marry and have children

4) Go to France and Italy

5) Find out my heritage

6) Live to be 150

7) Fall in Love

8) Sing the national anthem at the first super bowl my brother plays in

9) Find the cure for cancer

10) Weigh 110 130 before a revision at the time pounds

11) Die for someone

12) Save someone’s life

13) Be remembered

14) Change someone’s life

15) Have a man sing to me and read my favorite poem

16) Go to Monaco

17) Go to Egypt

18) Become a teacher (in progress)

19) Eliminate Hate (as much as possible)

20) Date Brad Pitt

21) Have someone an important person quote me

22) Make the basketball team in college

23) Make the softball team in college

24) Live up to my potential

25) Become rich and famous

26) Be a role model

27) Publish my book

28) Get in a fight

29) Get in a verbal fight and win

30) Go to Australia

31) Die happy

32) Be the President (of something)

33) Write (good) poetry

34) Be perfect

35) (this actually is listed but was blank)

TOP FIVE JOBS (probably summer of 2007)

1) Actress – Broadway/musical theatre and film. Possibly extends into a directing/cinematography or production career.

2) Diplomat – Something low key but productive possibly leads toward a cabinet position (Secretary of State) or some non-partisan position with influence.

3) Professor – At progressive liberal arts college like Evergreen. Something where curriculum and teaching style aren’t traditional.

4) Lifetime Volunteer – working with a variety of people/cultures. Sharing ideas, being part of a community attempting to make life better for others.

5) Small business owner – bookstore/coffee shop/some kind of social services org but not a non-profit.

Honorable Mention: Writer

Team “Get Your Shit Together” A Tuesday night at Sierra Tap House in late 2008

-Own my own business

-Do aid work in Africa/Asia/South America

-Teach (preferably College)

-Public Service (government, diplomacy)

-Journalism of some sort…

-Oral Histories

-Radio

-Columnist

-Writer/Poet (make a living)

-Not work/Lifetime Volunteer

-Actress(on broadway)/screenwriter/director

Sunday, September 21, 2008

growth spurts

I really haven't liked my life much since the last post. There have been good times, laughter, joy, passion, delight, simplicity, and even satisfaction. But I don't think I knew how to see those things until now.

I can see now why Sara would argue that La vie en rose is not the greatest song ever written, but rather Amazing Grace.

Was lost, but now am found.

It's a cycle, I'm sure, of losing and finding oneself.

This day, I find comfort in the many losses, the struggles, the catastrophes and mediocrities that make up the accumulation of experience.

As I am now, I will never be again.

Much peace can be found in the interminable flux of this lifetide.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A visit from our friendly neighborhood police officer

There is nothing funnier or more embarrassing than having one of your neighbors overhear you and you friend playing super mario bros. and calling the cops because he/she/they are worried the shouts of expletives, squeals and, yes, sometimes screams- could possibly be a domestic abuse situation.

My pal Z and I were playing mario vs. luigi on the new super mario bros game on our nintendo ds' (his in sleak black, mine practical white). As our evening of healthy sportsmanlike competition came to a close while Z was walking home he was confronted by a policeman at the foot of my stairs. I didn't hear exactly what they were saying- but it sounded as though Z was explaining why there might have been screams coming from the 2nd floor window in the corner. Assuming it was one of my neighbors coming to curse at me for ruining a peaceful- dare I say it- "Spring" evening with my hoot-n-holler'n I quickly slipped on my chaco's and slowly but assuredly made my way down the staircase.

At the second to last step I glanced to my left to find my startlingly innocent looking friend with a man of the law, and I doubled over, hand over my mouth, stifling the pungently inappropriate laughter.

Whilst still wrapped in giggles I made my way to the officer and 1. thanked him for coming, 2. apologized for wasting his time, and 3. scurried into Z's shoulder to snicker some more at the ridiculousness of the situation and my embarrassment.

The officer politely left us with a simple warning: "Don't get too involved in your video games."

Just another night in the adventures of Z and SV....or should I say Mario and Luigi!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

crap, complete and utter rubbish

I've just read my thesis, I think, for the first time since I wrote it and the title of this bloggity blog refers to this text.

ick ick ick.

I should post it up here for everyone to read and be disgusted by.

what's worse is that it, I'm sure like so many other projects or endeavors, begins with such high hopes, such extraordinary aspirations. but I didn't put the work in. at all.

gross gross gross.

and this really isn't a case of me being my harshest critic. Nope- my advisor even thought it was crap...or as she so lovingly and delicately put it...incomplete.

I think I'm going to rewrite it. My advisor asked me to then, but I was so involved in my impending move back to the U.K. that I didn't take the time. She gave me an out and I took it.

Now. Now that England has fallen through, and I'm unbelievably uncertain of my ability to be a critical and decisive being at all, now I need to revise.

or perhaps entirely rewrite, reconceptualize, rethink.

or just do.

I'm pitiful when it comes to action. I call myself and activist...but I don't act. I very rarely do.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I am not a baby-making-machine

The pregnancy police are watching you

In the US, women of child-bearing age are being advised to consider themselves 'pre-pregnant' at all times, by giving up smoking, drinking and drugs. What are the implications of treating people as glorified incubators, asks Diane Taylor

Monday September 4, 2006
The Guardian

When Regina McKnight, of South Carolina, went to her local hospital to give birth in May 1999, she prayed that the baby would be healthy. She had good reason to worry. Since her mother had been killed by a hit-and-run driver the previous year McKnight had begun smoking crack. She was naturally devastated when the baby was stillborn - and shocked, five months later, to be charged with homicide. Prosecutors argued that smoking crack had caused the stillbirth and that McKnight should therefore be classed as a murderer.

Despite medically disputed evidence about the role cocaine had played in the tragedy, McKnight went on to become the first woman in US history to be convicted of foetal homicide by child abuse. An appeal to the US Supreme Court failed and she is serving a 12-year jail term.

In the US, more than 20 states now define drug use by an expectant mother as child abuse, neglect or even torture, while The Unborn Victims of Violence Act, passed by Congress in 2004, argues that foetuses are separate persons under the law, with rights independent of the pregnant woman. Any aspect of a pregnant woman's behaviour that might risk foetal health - except of course abortion - is therefore open to punishment in the courts. And last May, legislators in Arkansas proposed making it, not just a matter of social and moral oppobrium, but an offence worthy of prosecution for a pregnant woman to smoke a single cigarette.

New federal guidelines issued this year ask any woman capable of conceiving to treat themselves - and to be treated by their health-care provider - as "pre-pregnant" at all times. Women between their first menstrual period and the menopause are told to take folic acid supplements, stop smoking, stop drinking regularly, maintain a healthy weight and keep chronic conditions such as asthma and diabetes under control; not primarily for their own health but to protect any baby that they may or may not be planning to have. They're also advised to steer clear of lead-based paint and cat faeces - a problem for any "pre-pregnant" folk whose household chores include cleaning the litter tray. There is no mention of "pre- fertilisers", ie, fathers, taking similar steps to ensure their sperm are healthy, despite studies that suggest male alcoholism can cause birth defects in children.

The rationale for the guidelines is that half of all pregnancies are unplanned and that the US has a higher infant mortality rate than most other industrialised nations. At the moment there is no talk of criminal sanctions against women who fail to comply with the pre-pregnancy guidance but it's another worrying sign that US women are expected to treat themselves as incubators first, individuals second. And the onward march of foetal harm legislation suggests that it's not entirely Orwellian to suspect that women might, in future, be criminalised for any indulgent behaviour before a pregnancy - as well as during - that ends up harming their child.

Lynn Paltrow, executive director of the New York-based group, National Advocates for Pregnant Women, believes that hatred of women is at the root of the trend. "It's linked to 30 years of vicious anti-abortion rhetoric that describes women who terminate pregnancies as murderers," she says. "You can't have that level of hateful rhetoric and just limit it to abortion. Once pregnant women are seen as capable of heinous crimes like murder, they are dehumanised."

Of course, it's obviously far better for a developing foetus if an expectant mother gives up drinking, smoking and taking drugs. But while it seems no expense is spared to prosecute and jail women addicts, far too little is spent on getting them appropriate treatment. And the women involved in these cases are almost always those most in need of support - there have been no stories of children dragged from rich Manhattan mothers who choose to snort a few lines of coke before breakfast. Those targeted are disproportionately black and poor. And all the sound and fury about the highly prized foetus evaporates once it is no longer in utero: children of drug-addicted mothers are often dumped in foster placements, where study after study has shown they have little chance of thriving.

This attitude to pregnant women shows signs of crossing the Atlantic. The behaviour of expectant mothers has never been more closely scrutinised or criticised, with both Kate Garraway and Kerry Katona having been attacked by the tabloids in recent months after being pictured with a cigarette plus baby bump. And some sources have proposed measures that aim to ensure that transgressive women can't conceive. In a recent paper, Professor Neil McKeganey of Glasgow University, a specialist in the social effects of drug misuse, suggested that "paying female drug users to use long-term contraception is one ... incentive that we may need to consider if we fail to reduce the level of unwanted pregnancies by drug users by other means". In a separate development, Labour MSP Duncan McNeil has proposed adding oral contraceptive to prescription methadone.

Dr Mary Hepburn, who runs the Glasgow Women's Reproductive Health Service supports women with social problems during pregnancy and after birth. What she finds most disturbing is the blanket condemnation applied to drug-using mothers.

"The gap between the rich and the poor is growing," she says, "and so is the gap between the poor and the very poor. A lot of the problems the women I work with experience are caused by poverty rather than by drugs in isolation. A punitive approach towards them will drive them underground, which won't be good for them or their babies."

When it comes to drug- or alcohol-addicted expectant mothers, obviously the ideal way forward is for them to seek treatment. Even for the richest people, addiction is supremely difficult to tackle, but for those from the lowest socio-economic groups the depredations that have led to them becoming drug-users generally make it extremely hard for them to give up. In the current US climate, though, the punitive approach towards pregnant women - in which women have been dragged to prison cells, hours after giving birth to a healthy baby, still haemorrhaging but having tested positive for drugs - means that few are likely to seek treatment. Who would take that risk if it meant the possibility of prosecution, a jail term and your child being removed from your care?

As Paltrow says: "The US has a phenomenal disregard for the wellbeing of families. Almost every problem is seen as one of personal responsibility rather than social or community responsibility." And the punitive approach to pregnant mothers emphasises this, legislating against women who might otherwise seek help for their personal problems.

In the last couple of decades laws targeting some of the US's most vulnerable women have crept inexorably, state by state, across the country, and now the institution of pre-pregnancy guidelines brings the spectre of women facing even wider punishment. In the UK we need to be vigilant to ensure that, in similar situations, pregnant women receive support - rather than a prison sentence.

We need to be talking about this. I'm sure as hell not some incubator for a baby....nor do I want to ever see people WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN treated as though they are incubators first. This is just wrong. Has it been too long since the Handmaids Tale was required reading? Has no one thought about the consequences of treating women as objects for reproduction? Is no one talking about this?

Please give me your thoughts on this article. Did any of you know that people were being arrested for foetal homicide? I can't believe it.

and I also find the whole idea of handing out condoms at methodone clinics is just weird. I functionally and rationally understand why it's a good idea to stop people who are currently addicted from getting pregnant both for the user and their child's sake....but doesn't it seem a bit like Indira fucking Gandhi running around sterilizing the untouchables? Trying to eliminate a portion of the population by making it impossible to procreate...isn't this part of what the Nazi's were doing to the Jews?

Is that really a way that we want to "solve" the problem of drug addiction...by stoping addicted users from having babies?

I do believe that pregnant women who have chosen to keep the child should be OFFERED all the help they can get in order to get them off drugs, or to help them get the nutritian that they need, or parenting classes so they can be responsible parents. They do not need to be harrassed or treated as baby-making-machines or thrown in prison because of an addiction.

and of course this entire thing is so unbelievably gendered that I want to pull my hair out. They even make note in the article that future fertilizers aren't required to change their habits or get help for their addictions because they might someday become a father. IS everyone so blind to the double standard we have in America....not only in this instance but in almost every instance when it comes to men and women? Don't women still make only 75cents to a man's dollar for the same work? And on the other side only men have mandatory conscription to the army. And unfortunately (despite our so-called push towards family values in this country) only women can get pregnancy leave- though ideally we would have both parents helping to raise the child, rather than putting the burden on only one.

This is obviously something I could go on forever about, and something that needs to be discussed more often.

so please. weigh in.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

where I'm supposed to be.

First. Go here

Second these are the top 24 U.S. Cities I should live in according to www.findmyspot.com


1)Hartford, Connecticut

2)Portland, Oregon

3)Providence, Rhode Island

4)Boston, Massachusetts

5)Worcester, Massachusetts

6)New Haven, Connecticut

7)Eugene, Oregon

8)Danbury, Connecticut

9)Little Rock, Arkansas

10)Corvallis, Oregon

11)Baltimore, Maryland

12)Washington D.C.

13)San Fransisco, California

14)Honolulu, Hawaii

15)San Jose, California

16)Salem, Oregon

17)Sheboygan, Wisconsin

18)Charleston, West Virginia

19)Fayetteville, Arkansas

20)Cape Cod, Massachusettes

21)Medford,Oregon

22)Sante Fe, New Mexico

23)Milwaukee, Minnesota

24)Santa Cruz, California

I am partial to 2,4,12,14 and 19. I am only realistically attracted to 2 and 19. The rest are just dreams.

any votes?

Monday, July 10, 2006

She's got everything she needs. she's an artist. she dont' look back.


merritt


my new friend merritt is beyond lovely. she is actually....unbelievable.

i'm a big fan.

so that's what's been happening lately.

good good.