well this will make some people (perhaps) slightly happier, my parents namely, but I'm fairly certain i've scrapped the trans siberian plans I had.

For about two weeks now i've been spending my time almost exclusively with two lovely men I've met. Without getting into too much detail there was much kicking around of plastic objects, playing of pac-man in well lit car parks at 2am, and brilliant, vivid and thoughtful conversation. Nick, a Bristolian, lives in the flat next door and I met him while persuing some other interests. He is charming and tender and one of the kindest people i've ever met. I met Andrei, a romanian exchange student, through Nick. I stumbled upon them in the common room of flat 23 whilst appologizing to Nick for putting off our plans to see a film, yet again. A film, might I add, that we still haven't seen.

The company I found in them, the joy and introspection catalyzed by them, and the pure bliss of being inside a place so full of goodness has made me reexamine my travel plans.

Andrei, having completed his studies here at Brighton (all too soon for my liking) has returned to Romania (or will in a few hours).
While preparing for his departure Nick and I began discussing possible times to visit, and seeing as I have absolutely no context of Romania (just as i have little context of siberia) we've drafted tentative plans to visit in June. Perhaps with a stopover in Prague first, and a wisking away of Andrei to Krakow.

This rash decision comes at a time where it is financially more advantageous to make plans further in the future to visit siberia and china, and instead stick to the places much closer to what is home now.

My deposit for the trip will be refunded and I can stop worrying about flights to and from the train journey, and how to ship my extra suitcase back to the states. I will be able to carry them with me, when i return from europe.

Also, this choice provides me with more space to fully understand the gravity of leaving England after having been here for so long. I will have more time to visit my English friends I've made here, and also have more time with the americans i've grown to love.

I realized that a lot of my trans siberian fantasy revolved around the idea of goind as far away as possible, and until recently this seemed like an acceptable way to leave this experience.

But with my friend Suki, deciding to leave university here at Brighton and return to london and several of my american friends deciding to stay here in england, not to mention Andrei's return to Romania, England has become much more than just "elsewhere" -the place I was escaping to. It feels much more like home.
So, I've decided to stay home, or close to home for a bit longer instead of running away again.

I'm not sure than in the end I will have actually saved any money by choosing England for a bit longer, and eastern Europe, but I do know that this choice gives me more time to be with the people I've come to love before I return to my beloved family and friends.

The trans siberian train ride would have been epic and challenging and vastly different than anything I've ever done, or anything anyone i've ever known has done. But it would have been done alone, and while I see so much value in that kind of journey, today I choose people, interactions, conversation, and communion.

today i've chosen to let all the feelings rush in, all the sadness and disappointment and that sense of loss that comes with leaving a place you've come to know as home. In some senses my trans siberian plans were an attempt to shut off that feeling.

It was a way to prevent investment, a thwarting of engagement with Brighton and England and the beautiful people around me.

Instead of jumping the first train out of Dodge, i'm gonna stick around for a bit. Let myself sink into the soil, leave more than just my hairs littered around this countryside, allow a part of myself to live in this place right now, and for as long as possible.