remembering

beat me to the edge, originally uploaded by shavawnmarie.

Today has been really...well...slow. I've had lots of school work to get done and it has finally frustrated me into doing something else. So here is a picture of my friends on top of winnemucca mountain. I had a glorious weekend there before I left the country. I am nostalgic for weekends like that now.

I'm not sure if I like it here. Isn't that funny. I think when I'm at home in my flat I'd much rather be living in brighton- but when i'm out and about I'm really happy to be in London.

Had my first real class last night. I kept wanting to ask myself...Am I really a graduate student? Am I?

It was strange and thoughtful and good and confusing and everything I expected it to be.

A couple of my classmates and I went to the birkbeck bar (which is about the size of my entire flat) to continue the discussion.

It was nice and strange and at times I felt like I was some poseur idiot trying to pretend I'm something I'm not. Still at other times I felt surrounded by a bunch of unfeeling Nihilists and like the only one with a heart (however naive and sentimental that makes me).

so yes. I am confused and delighted by that confusion, but of course concerned that I'm not smart enough, not focused enough, not in the right place-perhaps.

oh woe is me. hahaha.

will have to find the core of existence another day. for now....laundry.