i know I'm a dreadful person. I haven't written in almost a month. I promise to be better. I have so much to say and not enough time before the lab closes to say it. I will say that Dani has left this afternoon and I'm sad. I hope everyone has a good holiday season. I hope to talk to people soon too. MWAH

So am back from the first leg of my radiohead following. been back actually for a few days. It's lovely not having access to a computer after 7pm. anyway I wrote while I was away- having all that time to myself so I figure I'll just type what I've written. Woo. hope you like.

23.11.03
In Newcastle, have just seen Radiohead live for the second time. I love them. So entertaining, so charismatic and brilliant music- always. Oy. I think when I get home I'll buy a ticket to the show in Aberdeen and try to go to at least one of the London shows. If not those I've still got dublin with dani. I'm in a state of euphoria- it's inexplicable. I am acting like an 11 year old- it's excellent. It started yesterday morning at about 7:30am when I hopped on the coach (bus) up to Manchester. I slept through the majority of the 8 hour drive, but I did wake in time to see the city. For some reason I expected Manchester to be more broken down and working class, but when we arrived I was suprised by the large new buildings and clean streets. The was one building (one of the older ones) which reminded me of a Monty Python skit ( I think from the beginning of THE MEANING OF LIFE) where a bunch of dissatisfied, elderly office workers whose office has apparently been taken over by a younger more efficient firm have a mutiny and take over their office building like pirates. They then proceed to sail all about this city (presumably London) in this building and eventually attack this very fancy brand new building of some random american corporation. It's a brilliant skit and hillarious.
Anyway the building that reminded me was all lit up by the rays of mid-afternoon sunlight making it appear somehow triumphant over the surrounding buildings. I found Manchester charming and vowed to pay more attention to why and how I am developing opinions of places I have yet to be.
As I checked into my hostel there were thre people, two males and one female, asking for directions to the MAN. arena which is where Radiohead was playing. I knew immediately that I was going to try to be friends with these people- as it was apparent that they had excellent taste in music. Lucky me, I come to find out that we are all staying in the same room. I asked them if they were going to the concert and if they wouldn't mind some company on the walk up. They said they wouldn't mind but that they were leaving early to have dinner and wander around a bit. I agreed to come along and we left right away. On our walk we introduced ourselves. Renee, Paul and Duncan ar all from Australia but they work and live in Birmingham. They had come up to Manchester immediately following the World Cup Rugby Final between England (who won) and OZ. {just a side note- it should be known that this is the first time anyone in the northern hemisphere has ever won the rugby world cup} Like me, they had been up since 7 or earlier, however by 7:30 they were in a pub drinking waiting for the match to start. I consoled them on their loss and we set off to find a place to eat. We found a lovely irish pub whose name I can't recall near the arena and we sat down for a few pints of Guiness and some conversation about George the Second, and of course music. All four of us then ordered sausage and mash for dinner, on Duncan's suggestion. It's made with a Guiness gravy, an interesting dish but filling and tasty - or perhaps it was just the Guiness. Off to the concert we went and got split up. For some crazy reason I had seats for my first radiohead concert and had to sit in the balcony about a million miles away. Before our split we agreed to meet after the concert but I couldn't find them when the show was over so I waited for an hour in the cold, foggy weather for a cab back to the hostel. I wasn't paying enough attention on the way to the arena to find my way back... bad planning on my part. When I arrived at the hostel they were already in bed so I followed suit and fell right asleep. In the morning I left them a note with my e-mail and phone number in hopes that they would get in contact with me. I'm not certain if they got it but I hope to hear from them.
My coach left @ 9:05 am and I was off to Newcastle. Outside of Manchester the scenery reminded me of Nevada in many ways. The landscape seemed to be covered with (or what looked like) yellow cheatgrass and little bushes that made me think of sagebrush. At one point this old rock wall, which must've been ancient, divided the land to the left of the coach into two halves as far as I could see. The half to the left of the wall was as I've described, but the half to the right was a brilliant green, almost like astro turf and it stood so defiant amid the hundreds of leaveless trees surrounding it. It was a beautiful site.
After we pasted through leeds where I almost left my luggage on the coach my mind shifted from the ground to the sky. It was a gray and dismal day but the sun looked like a waterdrop and the grey clouds and what little light they let through looked like ripples reverberating out from the sun. It was eerie, but breathtaking. I arrived safely in Newcastle. Because of my poor planning I had had to book a hotel in Newcastle- as all the hostels were full. But when I arrived at my Quality Inn I was happy to suffer through the luxury of a bath tub. In fact, as I'm writing I've already had two baths. [and for the record I had one more in my 16 hour stay in Newcastle] To those that are deprived of them, baths are a holy, magnificent thing.
A note should be made as I am soon on my way to wales that most English people, for whatever reason seem to have an abbhorance for the welsh and find amusement in refering to wales as "sheep shagging country". The animocity is apparently two-sided and I am interested to see what the Welsh have to say about the English. And while we're making interesting notes about England it should be know that when an adolescent is near a monument or important structure and feels the need to immortalize themselves in permanent ink they write their name an "woz ere" which took longer than it should've to translate into the american (and probably canadian) "wuz here". I thought abuot teh subtlety of difference and how strange it was to me. I thought of perhaps leaving a bit of myself here in Newcastle scrawled the american way and wondered if those to stumble upon it in the future would recognize the difference and ponder the oddity as I have.

24.11.03 Cardiff, Wales.
My coach to wales left at 6am this morning. It was extremely cold in Newcastle at that time of the morning- 7 degree's celsius below zero. I don't know how that converts to farenheight, nor do I want to. It was freezing and we had to wait outside for the coach because it was late. This spawned a string of events that led to me to eventually call Christina back in brighton to see if she could find out how much a train ticket to Cardiff would be from Birmingham- as my driver had made it pretty clear that we were going to be late. Christina found me the information and I wrote it down. Fortunately, however, my connecting coach was late as well, so I opted to just wait for it and get to Cardiff a little later than I had expected. When the coach arrived it was so full that for the first time since I started my travels I had to sit with someone else. Her name was Lucy. She was going back to school in Cardiff and had been visiting her family in Birmingham. When she asked what I was doing and I explained about Radiohead, the look on her face made me sure that we were going to be friends. Lucy's boyfriend was at the Manchester show, but she hadn't been quick enough to buy tickets to the Cardiff show and she wasn't certain that she was goign to be back from Birmingham in time anyway. To my extreme delight I told Lucy that I knew for a fact (because I had checked my e-mail in Manchester) that the Venue in Cardiff had reserved tickets for itself and they were still on sale. After much nudging and singing of radiohead songs I convinced Lucy to go to the show with me. When we got to Cardiff we had to split up. I went to my hostel (a giant red and purple building) and she went back to her halls of residence. We met outside the Cardiff international Arena at 7:30pm just as the supporting act Asian Dub Foundation (who remind me of Rage against the machine but less metalish and more eastern) came on stage. The Arena was so small that the only kind of tickets were standing tickets. Lucy and I secured a spot relatively close to the stage but off to the left side (that's ed's side- for radiohead). I was content with our position as I hadn't been able to get that close at the Newcastle show because I showed up too late- I had been taking a bath! ha! There was a bit of shuffling around during Asian Dub Foundation and I had to shift between taller men constantly but I'd finally found a spot where to one side of a guys head I could see Thom and to the other side Ed. Johnny who was on the right of the stage was pretty much invisable. Lucky me, however, a bit of a mosh pit [mom, dad and others- thats when people jump up and down together to a song and sometimes get violent and push people really meanly) started and Lucy and I ended up about three rows back front and center- I could see everybody from there- and they could see me! Thankfully our mosh pit was more of a combined and shared excitement at the same time so no one was hurt and we ended up just all scrunched up next to one another, sweating and belting out the lyrics to myxamatosis.
"no one likes a smart ass but we all like stars"
[this is where my journal ends but i have more to say]
The way the band was set up was hillarious to me. First- the guitar tech for Ed was able to walk completely under the microphone that had been set up for Ed. Second Thom- who has got to be the smallest member of the band (and for those who aren't fans- the lead singer) was flanked by Ed (the guitarist who we've already established is tall) to the left and Johnny(the guitarist and so many other things) who isn't much shorter than Ed to the tight. Then behind Thom was Phil the drummer and slightly to the left of Phil was Colin the bassist.
Everybody I know who talks to me about radiohead and who isn't a huge fan always asks "isn't it so depressing?" I don't know if it's because Radiohead's biggest single was creep- and that song happens to be depressing or if they've only been exposed to the mellower songs by radiohead- but this has always seemed like a silly assumption about radiohead's music. It's certainly not depressing- at least not to me, or not all the time anyway.
anyway, I think I had internalized a lot of those comments made to me because when the band came on stage the first time (in manchester) I was pleasantly suprised at their charisma and excitement. Thom does this little shimmy dance where he shakes his hips and wiggles around during certain songs. Ed has a grin on his face most of the time. It is apparent that Johnny is having a good time by the way he plays his various instruments. Phil and colin play off one another and they all seem to be having such a good time. Sometimes Thom will jump about and dance around the stage. He did this hillarious thing in Newcastle while playing the song "You and whose army". The piano was set up with a camera right in thom's face- so during the song he would wink at the audience at funny times and make silly appropriate faces when he said "come on if you think you can take us on". They're just lovely. Just for the record I have purchased tickets to the Aberdeen show (aberdeen is in scotland) and I tried to go to the wednesday show in london but they were honestly sold out. It's been such a nice experience traveling around england and wales (and scotland soon) by myself always on my way to a radiohead concert. I'll be glad to have dani with me in Dublin- she'll let me cry about the fact that it's the last time I'll see them for a while. She gets it and she's known me long enough to let me be a little silly.

I must give a disclaimer to my good friend joshua, because I've talked so much about two of his favorite things- radiohead and guiness.
***So josh, just to make it a little better for you- I was looking at your pictures of mexico and noticed the blue sky and that you mentioned that your roomates got a tan. Well here the sky is perpetually grey and the temperature is never warm enough to walk around without a jacket, scarf and gloves. There are benefits to being in both places. I wish, though, for this- you could've been here. ***

OH and yesterday was thanksgiving - so we had dinner at the flat next door. I didn't have to make anything because I volunteered to wash the dishes. It was good stuff. Turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. Even good conversation about why we celebrate thanksgiving and what thanksgiving historically represents. Good people I tell you- good people I'm surrounded by.
and with that said- I'm gonna go spend more time with them.

ooh- but wait. My professor- the one that is teaching the classes supposively taught by an american professor (ha! he works at Boise state but is English) he's going to let me do my projects on Radiohead. One involves poetry and the other travel writing. Good stuff I say! Good stuff.
Please everybody find a radiohead album and listen to it- they are so good. so very magical.

right now I feel really good. I'm giddy about radiohead and I've discovered that if i take a pain killer when I feel sick or like resting my illness away- I can function. It doesn't take away all the pain or annoyance of being sick but it does dull it and it gives me space to do something other than feel like crap.

I hate that disengaged feeling one gets when ill.

and I've decided to take pictures- of my home and this trip. so, if I am truly as clever as I think i might be- I will be able to post some pictures for all of you to see. Yay. I still haven't packed. I just wanted to write something in here while I've been feeling well. Until tuesday then.

I hated venice. not because of the city, or because of the language barrier, but because I was sick. I've decided to return to venice alone, when I'm healthy, and during a different season. I've been in bed since I returned on Tuesday evening. I have big plans to remain in bed until I'm completely well. Things I realized while in Venice= I prefer to travel with people I know, I need to know more languages, I need to take care of myself, and ryan air is the worst airline in the history of airlines.

one interesting fact is that the italian military is stationed at the airports in Italy with big guns, in addition to the security people and the police- who also have guns.

I hate guns.

I leave for radiohead a week from today. Am not excited about the coach rides- although I did only pay 20 pounds total to get me from Brighton to Manchester, Manchester to Newcastle, Newcastle to Cardiff, and Cardiff back to Brighton. Look at a map kids- you'll see how big of a deal that is.

i'm in a condescending mood so I'm going to stop writing.

I leave for venice tomorrow and won't return for a while- so if I don't write- don't think it's because I've run off and joined the circus. I'll be back...with loads of stories about venice. woo.

Where to start. since last I wrote I've been doing a lot of work and lots of school work, but not much else until this last friday when I went to Paris. We got home yesterday. I had an extraordinary time. I truly love that city. We did a couple of walking tours and then were left to our own devices- which was so good for me. I speak more french than I thought I did and that made me extremely happy. I felt special when people would ask me if I knew how to say something (and too often I did not) but i was glad to help when I could. I really really really want to start studying french again. I love it so much. I finally got to see l'arc de triomphe up close, as last time i was too lazy to walk to it. I discovered my favorite place in paris, is not as I thought Monmartre, but the cemetery pere Lachaise. Yes yes, that is where Jim Morrison, Oscar Wilde, and Edith Piaf are buried, but none of them were really why I enjoyed it there so much. I feel a little morbid thinking that my favorite place in paris is a cemeteryy, but honestly it was the most beautiful and pure place I have been. I think autumn had a lot to do with my attraction, as I would watch the yellow and orange leaves dance with the wind around beautiful mausoleums. I also think, though, that I loved it so much because the graves are so big and extravagant- which part of me finds distasteful, but I think another part comforts me.

it's a bit comforting to think of having something so big, and elegant to house my remains. Ah, but i am really ambivalent about it all.

perhaps it was just the day, the mood, the weather and the circumstances that made me love the cemetery so much. I did visit jim morrison's grave and left him a little somethin-somethin. It was after we visited his grave and walked around a bit more and found this gigantic monument to some french general where we sat down and I cried. Maybe it was the release that made the cemetery so wonderful. I cried about Elliot Smith, John Lennon, and Jim. I cried about my grandma's and grandpa who've gone already and my papa still living in arkansas. I cried about how scary and sad death is, yet how completely natural and beautiful it is also. I cried because everyone has to die, and because it's wonderful to be a part of a cycle. Then I cried about those who are living under horrific circumstances. I cried because I don't want to reinforce the system of oppression in the world. I cried because I'm so small and insignificant. I cried because we are all alone, and so many of us (myself included) don't love the only person who will ever really know us- ourselves. I cried because I was a tourist in this place where people where bringing their loved ones flowers and cleaning their headstones and sarcophagi. I can't explain how it all made me feel but it was good- a really really good feeling. I was so sad to leave, I wanted to cry more, to sit longer, to be so fully in my living skin amid tombs and death and life.
I have an honest fear of ghosts and the dark or better put- things that may be lurking in the dark- but I was able to picture myself inside Pere Lachaise on the darkest of nights without any inclination to fear or speculation about what would be waiting for me there. It was comfortable and safe. I don't know if anyone can relate- or if you all are suspecting that I've lost my mind, but when i return to paris, that cemetery is the place I want to go.

OY! and the next day we went to Le Chateux de Versailles (which, the first time I went to paris, was the structure which impacted me the most- I loved it then). This time, however, I could see how very much I had changed as a person in these last five years. I saw how I looked at the magnificent buildings and gardens and how I saw them as a waste of money- a needless extravagance. I kept a running list of how many things could be better aided by this money. I felt sorry for the plants, flowers and trees because the French (not only at versailles) keep them so damn regulated. I hated it. They look like they are cut out in little squares standing next to one another- as though they are imprisoned in a cell. It's ugly to me and I wished the gardeners or whoever would just let them grow. I understand the historical significance of the building and why maintaining it is so important to the identity of france, but it really really really made me dislike the sun king- Louis XIV. It just seems like a structural and architectural (forgive me for using this term) masturbation of his ego. He's pretty high on my list of people NOT to admire. I was glad to find myself so different, although a little sad that something that used to be so magical to me was now not as enjoyable. C'est la vie. Perhaps the cemetery will be that way for me next time I'm in paris. Oh and I took this fabulous picture of the Peace monument which is across from the military school- I managed to get both in the picture. Interesting juxtaposition isn't it- peace across from military. Hrm- somebody was thinking when they did that one.

We had a long trip home- our ferry was delayed. but I'm back in brighton safe and sound working hard and avoiding homework like the pro that I am.

and i've got other things to think about. England truly is a Temptation Island.

Zoe and Kate-the two women who run the american office here in brighton and the contacts through USAC (which is the program I used to get here)- and I were talking about me staying another year. Oy vay. Then today this lovely girl Suki who I work with at the bar suggested that I live with her next year in a house. She kept reinerating that she wasn't joking either. AND THEN I sat down with this lovely girl steph and our friend matt and steph turned to me and said- "I really think you should stay another year." ALL OVER THE PLACE I TELL YOU.

so I looked at what I need for my fafsa next year- and am contemplating. Nothing concrete yet- and I'm still almost positive that I'll come home after this year- but people have been making me think.

I have a few problems with staying. One of course being that I miss all my lovely friends and family in the states, and another year away from my niece and nephew might just be impossible. Another is the money issue- do I want to spend money on another year here, when I will certainly need it for either the peace corp, i to i, TEFL or graduate school so soon after I get my bachelors. The hardest to deal with is the ever present fear that I am running from something and this is just a big beautiful way of me hiding from whatever "it" is. Then I'm not even certain that I could stay through USAC for another year. And what about graduating- I don't have that many credits left and certainly several of them are not offered here....lots to think about.

in good news though- I'm going to try (with lots of peoples help) to organize a performance of the Vagina Monologues here at the University of Brighton. And I get to be a part of this huge event put on here for World AIDS day (which is December 1st for those of you who don't know). I will keep everyone updated on the goings-on of my life. Still looking for mail and e-mails from anybody bored. I do miss everyone. do take care all of you and until next time

-shavawn

have sufficiently filled my alone time for a while I think. Haven't been to a bar *except to work* for a while. Yep folks that's right, I got the job. My brother would be proud. The only real problem is I pour beer without any "head" but the brits like a little foam on their drinks. So I have to unlearn my clever drink pouring skills to accomodate people here. It's a cruel world I know.

So since last I wrote several things have been going on. I got the job. I got sick again. I ruined our trip to italy because I couldn't miss a class, I discovered a passion for watching the Rugby world cup and cheering alone in my common room when "my team" (whichever one I pick to root for) scores or gets close to scoring. Lots of double entendre in this here entry. None intended. I had a fantastic dinner with Oli and his friend Isabelle who is french and encouraged me to try to speak french more. After a few seconds of uncomfortable mumbling in half french/english and probably a little italian, I rediscovered my voice. It's good to know other languages- makes me feel wonderful. It was great when I had to cancel the hostel reservation in Italy- When the gentleman answered the tele he said "Buona Sera" (we'll pretend that's how it's spelled) and I said "Buona Sera, Parli Inglesi" which is my best guess at how to say do you speak english *in italian* and he responded and we spoke in english and I ended the conversation with Gratzi! I'm so proud of myself.

My classes have been extraordinary. My creative writing class is incredible- we discussed the problem of "self" when one writes. For example,should the author be present in the text, or should you have absolutely nothing to do with your writing. This problem has made the past few days painfully perplexing and wonderfully philosophical. I do love splashing around in perplexity. I was a philosophy major at one point. Oy.
an added bonus is the small class- it's very different but I can't imagine a better way to learn. Instead of being told to leave ourselves out of our writing *like I learned early in my english career* we are expected to bring as much of ourselves as possible to the table. Oy it' wonderful.
AND My poetry class is the absolute best. Imagine reading a good book, or seeing a good film and sitting around talking to your friends about it.....this is what this class is like. We read the Waste Land by T.S. Eliot first, and I just have to say I love that poem. It's so heavy and rich and full of layers- I get so excited when we talk about it. I am a geeky literature major- aren't I.

OH my explorations in lit class is so powerful and we've only had one lecture. This year academically is alright ripe with so much potential for me, for learning and growing and becomine. Cliche, eh? I'm just happy to be here. I really wish I weren't sick, though. Oy

and have I mentioned that people here have rediculous haircuts....like one half short the other slightly longer...and the tips of hair as different colors (but only in sporadic patches- nothing uniform). It's quite funny for me. I'm glad people feel free to express themselves. I haven't taken nearly enough pictures- I'll be sure to soon.

oh and today was aweful because all I kept seeing were bunches of 10-16 month old kids, who of course remind me of my neice who is growing so fast while I'm not there.

I didn't cry though. good for me.

I hate to do it- but really guys if you feel the slightest urge to write me a letter or send me a care package or anything really I'd greatly appreciate it.

shavawn smith
22B Paddock Field
University of Brighton, Falmer
Brighton, Sussex
BN19SF

or call me from america 011447906625105

from elsewhere I don't know.

hi alice.

I'm quite tired now, as I haven't slept yet. So I'm off to cook dinner- Burritos. Oh of all the food I miss, I miss mexican the most. I've resolved to 1)never eat a hamburger over here and 2) never to eat mac and cheese over here. I'm branching out...yep yep. I'm actually falling asleep at the computer. Good thing I'm not driving round here. Oh and did everybody get my postcards? Do write and let me know

shavawnmarie@hotmail.com

peace, take care of yourselves.

-s

so dani finally went home this afternoon. Oh did I mention that we uh missed her flight on monday morning- sure did. That sleeping in thing, I tell you. I went to two of my classes today. They seem interesting. There are only three students in the first one and two in the second so they should be quite intimate throughout the semester. Oh and I've discovered that for about a month I will only have one class. Interesting situation here.

I'm immersed (why did I never learn how to spell) in fresher's week here, although I think I'll abstain from several of the activities. I am really glad to have settled in before everyone else got here- I think it would have been awful to show up and be moving and acclimating while everyone is getting pissed (drunk) and being loud.

Because of the nice weather we had when I first arrived and the quick transition to rain and wind I was afraid that england might not have seasons, or at least not the four distinct ones that I enjoy back home in nevada. But I'm looking out of the computer pool room window and watching the leaves on the trees gradually morph from green to orange to yellow to hints of red and so on.

and I'm deeply in love with the word autumnal.

I've got laundry and grocery shopping to do but I can't seem to pull myself away from the computer or out of the computer room. I'm watching people- students- listening to their various conversations in their various accents. wondering what they're writing or reading or looking up. engaged in thoughts about what they're thinking. wondering how much of myself is me and how much of themselves are them.

wishing my mother would write or call me. I think i've given up hopes for india- at least for now.

right now I feel like there is more than an ocean separating me from people at home, more than the language barrier from people here, more than just a body isolating me from all that is outside. but "it" doesn't have a name.

I'm anxious for some alone time, time to think about me and only me.

...

I love and miss everyone. Hope all is well wherever you are.

Oy!

usefull fact for everyone: there are more pubs in brighton than there are days in the year.

I think I may have a job soon. I have to work a "trial shift" the evening of the 11th at the bar on my campus, and if everything works out I'm pretty sure I have a job. Yay. These past few days I've done very little. Dani and I went to van morrison and then hung out with all the students who are just arriving on campus. This coming week is "freshers" week where everyone gets their classes and has lots to drink. I've met some lovely people and some interesting people. Dani seems to be having a jolly time. we ended up not going to salisbury or to stonehenge, because we slept in. Clever girls we are. I start classes this wednesday and I'm excited. I've been out of school for far too long. It's really quite unnerving- being out of school for almost 4 months. June- now. I'm not used to that. I hope I haven't lost all my "smarts". This evening should include another trip to the bar- I swear ma I'm only going to survey what the bartenders have to do so I can do well on my trial shift. *wink* I think if I hurry up I'll be playing a game of football with some boys we met last night. Paul and Daniel. They're quite nice and both very young. hehehe. Oh and I've made lots more friends. It's strange though- feels like they know a part of me, but that no one here really knows me. I guess that's what I have dani and this blog for. The blog does smell better though. And for that. i'm going to let dani write something in here because she's asked so nicely....

*notice: the following comments do not express the opinion of the owner of this blog, but are rather just mere nonsense- enjoy or ignore, whichever you prefer.*

Let's get some things straight....

First- of the 3 nights that I've been here shavawn has not come home before 6am for two of them. So, when she says ''we'' slept in it was really just her. She is the one that was so ''entranced'' by the young men last night she couldn't get her happy butt home in time to sleep for more than 3 hours.

Brighton is a crap hole. Everyone here seems to have a ''big issue''. All I have to say is ''do I look like I want a big issue?'' The Carnival rides on the pier suck because Shavawn is too afraid to go on them with me. yes- I know I could go alone but what is the sense in that? If I'm going to die, I want to do it with shavawn so I can laugh at her while she is plunging into the ocean.

Hi Mrs. Smith. I hope you are doing well.

Brighton ain't crap compared to Cork. Represent- what! Fo shizzle my nizzle.

Brighton is actually a nice city and I do love it here.... Shavawn has some wonderful friends that I am paying so they will be polite. Just kidding.

_____________________________________________________________

and that was all for dani. Thank you everyone- she'll be here all week.


that's all for me too- later I'll explain some of the jokes she's made, but for now--football and soup.

peace yo.

yesterday was interesting. i didn't much like people yesterday. I think I can confidently say that I'm not a group person. I prefer smaller cozy get togethers. It was christina's birthday and we went out to dinner. I think, perhaps, the reason I don't like people is because I don't like myself enough. I am well aware that there will always be people that I don't like, but sometimes- like yesterday- i didn't much like anyone including myself. I think I was just tired of being sick.

I cried for the first real time last night. thinking about my grandma who passed away in june. I was flipping through my cds and I came across one without a label on it (pretty untypical of me) so I decided to listen to it. For my granny's funeral I had made a cd with music that the family wanted and that granny would have liked. The label-less cd was that cd. It took me by suprise and i couldn't help but crying. It's funny how things sneak up on you like that. I kept thinking about how grateful I was that I got to be there when she died. I certainly don't mean to be morbid, but there really is something very special about being in the pressence of death (the peaceful death of a loved one at least) and continuing to live...

oh and I miss my aunt betty. she was there with me she is a hospice nurse and had been taking care of granny. Betty knew right before it happened that granny was going. My grandma's name was Jeanette.Betty was my grandma's youngest child. how strangely beautiful it was that the person granny had last birthed into life, was the person who patiently and courageously birthed granny into death.


the whole world's a cycle.




I've just realized that my watch that my mom gave me on the moring of my departure (it is technically my mom's watch) smells like my mom- her perfume at least, in the latch. that's nice.

Today I feel better but I have a paper to write on British Culture before thursday then dani comes for Van Morrison and we head off to Salisbury and Stonehenge. The paper is going to be on British Music- in the past 50 years. This lovely little island has produced some great music.

anyway- just wanted to write. hope everyone's doing well, or if not that they're handling it well.

So day five of illness. Ick.

I had to miss my trip to East sussex yesterday because my head felt like it would explode if I moved around too much. I have medicine though in liquid form, no pills this time (although I hate medicine period). There is just something about taking these external substances that really weirds me out. I feel like i'm betraying my body sometimes- ya know because for stuff like this cold- my body should be (and I'm sure is) capable of fighting it off without any help. But we take medicine to make the symptoms go away, when the symptoms are just signs that our body is doing what it's supposed to. However uncomfortable it may be to just live with the symptoms still feels better than that sense of betrayal and lack of trust in my own body. Next time I get sick I think i'll just let my body do it's work. Be a little patient.

hrm. Today I have been feeling much better. Celeste, Kim, Sevy, Angela (the minnesotan) and I went out to Sunday Roast. Apparently every sunday here a bunch of pubs have a roast (you can have chicken, beef, lamb, or vegetarian). It was great. I had chicken and lots of vegetables (some of them completely unknown to me). Right now I'm really full and am starting to believe that myth about English food being really horrible is just that, a myth.

Yesterday while I was practicing my skills of lying motionless for hours on end I read more in my book on India. I found a couple of places in Delhi I really want to go to- like the Mahatma Gandhi Museum. I've also been reading the Tibetan book of living and dying. It's the second time I've read it, but I went through it too quickly last time to really retain anything. It's much more vivid and thought provoking this time around and is suplemented well by the book on india.

pictures picture pictures. So before I got here I decided that I didn't want any pictures of things, or if I did have pictures of things that they would also have people in them. So i've taken about 0 pictures in Brighton, but I will get on it soon. The only problem is I don't have my digital camera with me, so when I develope film I will have to develope it onto a cd. and did i mention that each pound sterling is worth $1.70. This creates a bit of a problem with the pictures cause I'm enormously cheap. I promise to put some up, soon but don't expect me to stop complaining about the cost.

I must tell you all about my flatmates downstairs (where I hope to move...maybe). One of the very first nights we all went out we went to a pub called the Lectern. It was a pretty nice pub with an enormous big screen television on the wall. When we arrived a football match was on (football being soccer- for those of you who don't know), but following that there was a program on David and Victoria Beckham. For those of you who don't know who David Beckham is, well, you're probably very smart people. He WAS an english football player (and one of the best) until he traded teams (he now plays for Real MADRID). Anyway he's married to Posh spice they have two kids Brooklyn and Romeo......



I know. I thought I'd give you guys a little space for laughter. Anyway we were all watching this program and they showed a close up picture of David and Oli said "He has a very symmetrical face". After we all finished laughing, we came to the conclusion that we should all be obsessed with david beckham (and some of us authentically are...sevy). So the joke had lasted for a while, we even hinted at the prospect of stealing a cardboard cut out of Becks (as he is affectionately known now) from Borders, but it was when Sevy started looking up pictures of him in magazines that it really grew out of proportion.

Now with those pictures she found she made photo copies, and she cut them out and pasted them on the wall of the downstairs common room. Then other people joined in and found a calendar- adding to the pictures on the wall. Sevy found more pictures and now everyone downstairs has a picture of becks on their door (oli got two). Sevy also found this article in a magazing about how to make squirrels out of loo rolls (toilet paper rolls) and cardboard. Now the downstairs common room is known as Beckingham Palace, complete with several little loo roll squirrels guarding the "Becks Shrine" contribution box where all are invited to contribute their tupances (two pence coins) to the cause. We're still working on a costume for two of the squirrels that will make them look like Buckingham palace guards.

I really love these people.

Strangeness is just so much more fun than normalcy. Oh and I forgot to mention that two rooms downstairs are still empty- so two (most likely british students) will have to acquiesce to their strangely obsessive, mostly american flatmates.

it's good stuff, I tell you.

just another silly story for your entertainment. Yesterday on the East Sussex trip everybody got to go to Battle- the place where the Battle of Hastings was fought in 1066- The last time England was invaded. Sevy, being the clever girl that she is, found herself a most appropriate costume for halloween. When they arrived home, and I met up with them I found sevy fully decked out in fake chainmail and shirt with the cross on it, just like a british knight circa 1066. To add to the hillarity of this situation we all realized that we will be in Paris during Halloween (the french were those last people to invade) and that several of us were planning to get coconuts to beat together and follow sevy around singing the fanfare from Monty Python and the holy grail.

silly people we are. Laughter is the best medicine.

OOh my classes have worked out. I'm taking Contemporary British Poetry, Advanced Creative Writing (travel writing) and Explorations in literature. The professor who's teaching the Explorations class also taught a day in our British Culture Module and he seems very interesting. I recommended he read "the Culture of Make Believe" by Derrick Jensen- (I recommend all of you do the same) a book I thought he'd be interested in. I hope this semester is as exciting as I keep imagining it to be. I still might have one addition class that I can take, but I might just stick to three ( those five day weekends... ).

Oh and I hope to get a job as soon as school starts. I think perhaps I'll work in the computer lab (they pay better) but if that doesn't work out I'll work in the Student Union, either at the desk, the shop, or the bar. Yes yes, there's a bar on campus! woo.

anyway I've rambled enough for today. I hope everyone is doing well.

peace.
shavawn

Hey everyone. Today I'm feeling like crap. I've got some kind of cold- but i'm really not complaining. I went out and had a fantastic time last night. I made a few friends and fell deeper into love with the people i've been hanging out with since I arrived. So, i know everyone is lost and has no idea about who i'm talking about so I'll try to qualify. Celeste and Kim are both from Humboldt university in California. Celeste is probably the person I'm most kindred with. She's athletic, playful and just great. When she arrived she had litteraly one bag on her back and she'd been traveling before she got to brighton. Taught me a good lesson (with my 5 bags that I could barely handle myself) about what I really "need." She reminds me that death is but a breath away and I should live now now now! Kim has the best laugh - the harder she laughs the higher the pitch gets...its wonderful. Last night we went out with Kim and her friend Sade (from australia) whom she met at an easter seals camp where they both worked with people from ages 7 to 45 (i think) with disabilities. She reminds me of how important helping others is oh and how good laughter is for you. Oli and I are betrothed. He's from Hamilton, New Zealand and we've worked out the perfect plan for both of us to get green cards into each respective country. The bonus is (that oli's wonderful) but really that his parents are suisse, so he has access to not only New Zealand, but all of the European Union (and a nifty suisse passport). I thought an american green card for him was a good trade off for my personal access to both the E.U. and New Zealand. Oli's face gets all scrunched up in the most fabulous way when he smiles and when we make him giggle is the most precious thing you've ever seen. It's like his joy is too big for his face to hold. Plus he's a hockey (field- the "real" kind apparently) player so I have someone to go cheer for. Then there's severina or Sevy. We most match musically- at least with our fanatacism for it. She doesn't much like music from the 60s and 70 though- I'll have to work on her. She's a lit major and is hillariously quirky. She's such a tiny little thing but she packs a big punch. Picture Daria, slightly smaller with more excited sarcasm and a dry sense of humor. I'm dying to meet her family- especially her mexican grandmother about whom she recounts fabulous and outrageous stories. She's initiating me into icelandic rap and a welsh band that really likes Kronenbourg beer. Then there's Christina from ohio. She reminds me most of Dani. Within the first 6 hours of knowing her we were already picking at each other with heavy sarcasm. She explained to me why it's ok to have a celebrity crush on vin deisel quite convincingly. She's always up for fun or hanging out. She gives great face. When she laughs (which is often- sometimes all the time) her eyes get all squinty and her face looks like the comedy face. ( you know the comedy and tragedy faces one's laughing one's crying- yeah she's the laughing one). And her sarcasm seeps into her facial expressions beautifully. There are many others Two Ashleys (one from new jersey, one from ohio), a billy and allison (who are engaged), two angela's (one's a grad student- from new york and the other was here last semester- from minnesota), another kiwi named greg. for those of you who don't know "kiwi" is a nickname for new zealanders. We have a brian from chico, a heather from texas, a kristen from kansas, a sheena and Aubrey from Las vegas, an eryn from idaho, and an abbey from ohio. Abbey is actually just our student guide kinda but she lives in my flat. She came through USAC two and a half years ago and has just stayed. She works for the american office and graduates sometime this year. Hrm perhaps I'll take over her job. *wink*
Besides last night which included dinner, a pub (with pool- british not american. Joshua- you should be proud to know that i've become quite good at british pool. can't play nine ball though. the balls are smaller and divided equally into two colors red and yellow. Last night I won twice. once by myself and once with celeste), and finally a club, I've been on one pub crawl which was wonderful and been out to a few pubs in town in smaller groups. I never pictured myself coming to brighton and going clubbing but man I love to dance. Good atmosphere here- none of that reno live crap. In addition to pubbing and clubbing I've been attempting to plan a trip to india this winter, either before my parents come after christmas or if they decide to come in spring for the whole month I have off. Celeste is going with her cousin and I asked to tag along. I've purchased a book on india and I'm glad to learn so much even if I don't get to go this time. I did find a relatively cheap ticket, but haven't had the gall to buy it yet. Have to talk to my mum first. As I said before I should be getting my classes sorted out later this afternoon and I hope *fingers crossed* that I'll only have class on wednesday and thursday. FIVE DAY WEEKENDS! WOO! I've planned a jaunt to italy in october. Dani will be here next weekend for Van morrison and we're heading out to Salisbury (i love you kes) and stonehenge, possibly wales. I've secured a long weekend in Dublin after the radiohead concert- perhaps with free accomodation. This weekend I'm taking a small tour of East sussex and am going to paris the first weekend in november. I'll write more when I get info on my classes.

about brighton: it's a city of about 260,000 people but where i live (in the south downs or sussex downs) looks more like a pastoral countryside. We live about 20 minutes out of town on a bus, and I've purchased a three month bus pass. The city is lively and reminds me SOOOO MUCH of san fransisco. When you're driving (or in my case riding) into town you come through the south downs (which are hills- pretty big ones too, but no mountains) it looks like a pretty well populated traditional english town. Cute cottages and old red brick buildings. some victorian houses but by the time you get through the downs it morphs into Berkley with it's quaint livelyness (i know that might not make sense but it does to me) and bohemian streets, as you get closer to the ocean the city explodes into san fransisco without the nasty smog and dirty streets. Victorian town houses squashed together painted in different variations of all pastel colors or white. Not quite so steep streets but hilly anyway all mixed in with this extravagent building called the Royal Pavillion and an old pier. The beach is very well kept, clean and rather touristy but beautiful all the same. The weather here has only recently turned cold, and my campus is notorious for having nasty winds. I hope to find a pair of ear muffs so I don't get another ear infection. I think it's about time for my nap- it speeds along the healing process. I just want everyone to know that I miss and love them but am extraordinarily happy here and feel so grateful and thankful that I'm privileged (sp?) enough to have this experience.

peace,

shavawn

So I had this lovely plan to transfer all of my journals into this web log but the fact is I'm just too lazy. so here's a short but sweet recap of my life since september 3rd when I ventured out of american into the unknown.

days one and beyond: lots of air travel a nasty nine hour layover in D.C. met a lovely girl named Yael there (she chews gum like it's the most fantastic activity ever invented) arrived safely in london. A sweet girl from Minnesota helped me cary my luggage to the heathrow express and then to a taxi. I arrived in my hostel, slept a lot. Met three very cool girls. Elle from Australia and Tanja and Melanie from New Ulm Germany. We hung out and drank some cheap wine after I woke up. the next day I met Noelle- from NY and she and I went walking all around London. Westminster Abbey is excellent. I saw where Queen Elizabeth I is buried. Lots of other interesting dead people buried there. The next day was hard because it was my neice Isabella's first birthday. I missed family a lot that day- but I got to talk to my brother and my nephew Sam, so all was good. The next day I checked out of the hostel and went to the airport WAY TOO EARLY for my flight, but i did meet five lovely irish girls and they played cards with me and made fun of pop idols.

Cork days: I arrived in Cork on September 8th and had the most fabulous cab driver. He told me all about Cork on our short drive to Dani's Appartment. He was totally charming. Dani was waiting outside for me and we hugged and almost got ran over. Good stuff. We went out to a Pub that night called the Thirsty Scholar - funny huh and I had too many pints of cider (good stuff though- just in moderation). We saw this great band that played traditional irish music and a few kids got up and did some traditional irish dancing. It was excellent (not to mention they played sweet caroline- the best pub song ever). The next day was low key. I washed clothes and later in the afternoon went wandering around city centre. I found a fabulous che guevera faceplate for my phone and a cute little store that reminded me of the melting pot at home. Dani and I saw a movie (Veronica Guerin) about and Irish reporter in Dublin who, while reporting on Dublin's drug problems, gets assaulted and eventually murdered by those running the industry. It's powerful and moving and made my heart hurt a lot. I just kept feeling how I wasn't big enough to save the world. If that makes any sense to anyone. The next day was pretty uneventful but I did play Irish Monopoly with a couple of Dani's friends. Good stuff. Then I went home.

Brighton: I took a bus from stanstead airport to brighton and while the drive was lovely and the english countryside is as wonderful as it has always seemed the trip was three hours long and I was ready to be off the bus by the time we arrived. Thankfully my hotel was 50 feet from the bus stop so my five bags and I made it quickly and safely into my room- on the third floor. It was nighttime so I couldn't see the water but the hotel is right next to the brighton pier which was all lit up and reminded me (oddly enough) of the movie lost boys when the vampires first attack. Oh yeah good stuff. I basically went to sleep that night. The next day I walked around brighton and ate at this horrible restaurant. I walked out on the pier at sunset and decided that it wasn't all that scary after all.

HOME: I arrived the following moring at my flat and met some of my flat mates. Without going into too much detail I love thus far Celeste, Kim, Christina, and Oli. We've had many adventures but i'm tired of typing so I'm going to go. peace and happiness to you all.