yesterday was interesting. i didn't much like people yesterday. I think I can confidently say that I'm not a group person. I prefer smaller cozy get togethers. It was christina's birthday and we went out to dinner. I think, perhaps, the reason I don't like people is because I don't like myself enough. I am well aware that there will always be people that I don't like, but sometimes- like yesterday- i didn't much like anyone including myself. I think I was just tired of being sick.

I cried for the first real time last night. thinking about my grandma who passed away in june. I was flipping through my cds and I came across one without a label on it (pretty untypical of me) so I decided to listen to it. For my granny's funeral I had made a cd with music that the family wanted and that granny would have liked. The label-less cd was that cd. It took me by suprise and i couldn't help but crying. It's funny how things sneak up on you like that. I kept thinking about how grateful I was that I got to be there when she died. I certainly don't mean to be morbid, but there really is something very special about being in the pressence of death (the peaceful death of a loved one at least) and continuing to live...

oh and I miss my aunt betty. she was there with me she is a hospice nurse and had been taking care of granny. Betty knew right before it happened that granny was going. My grandma's name was Jeanette.Betty was my grandma's youngest child. how strangely beautiful it was that the person granny had last birthed into life, was the person who patiently and courageously birthed granny into death.


the whole world's a cycle.




I've just realized that my watch that my mom gave me on the moring of my departure (it is technically my mom's watch) smells like my mom- her perfume at least, in the latch. that's nice.

Today I feel better but I have a paper to write on British Culture before thursday then dani comes for Van Morrison and we head off to Salisbury and Stonehenge. The paper is going to be on British Music- in the past 50 years. This lovely little island has produced some great music.

anyway- just wanted to write. hope everyone's doing well, or if not that they're handling it well.